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So it's that time of year again where I embarrass myself by not only admitting that I play fantasy football but reveling in it to the point where I write about here while everyone I know and love politely stares at the ceiling and whistles as they wait for the moment to pass. Well, I don't care. I like it. No, sometimes I don't know why either.
Draft Recap
The Ginn Family
Draft grade: B+
No, that is not Ted Ginn's actual family, but I couldn't find a picture of them. As always, stock photography saved me. If you don't get the reference, you can check out this painful memory here. And here. And here.
Incidentally, I now love Ted Ginn Jr. How much? We'll see.
This is the same league that the much better named Lincoln Hawks were in last year if you're curious. This year the league has expanded to 14 teams which should mean a thinner talent pool overall, an interesting development in a league that only has two bench spots per team. I guess what I'm trying to say is, Congratulations on making someone's team, Selvin Young. You don't have to wait for an injury this year. At least in fake football. Real football? Um, I wouldn't buy that condo in Denver just yet.
I had the ninth pick, and the draft snakes so I got 9, 20, 37, 48, 65, etc.
First Round - Marshawn Lynch, RB, Buffalo Bills. This offseason, Marshawn hit someone with his car and then lied to the police about being the driver. He also has gold and diamond caps on his teeth. Basically, now that Tim Russert's dead, he's pretty much the toughest guy in Buffalo. After the debacle of my passionless team last season, I need a little bit more Barksdale and a little less Bubbles on my roster. On a more serious note, it would not surprise me at all if he leads the league in rushing this season.
Second Round - Reggie Wayne, WR, Indianopolis Colts. I thoroughly enjoyed having him on my team last season and wanted to sign up for another round. Also, he's from New Orleans and, according to an article I once read, got such good hands by catching rocks as a kid. Hey, Marshawn, I drafted you a friend.
Third Round - Willie Parker, RB, Pittsburgh. Simply the best value on the board at pick 37. Plus, his nickname, "Fast" Willie Parker, is a pre-name nickname which, among other things, makes it pretty awesome. If it's not clear, I'm not entirely sold on him, but if he does what he does last year, I'll be more than happy. He doesn't score touchdowns but neither do I and I'm okay with me.
Fourth Round - Torry Holt, WR, St. Louis. Maybe my favorite pick of the draft. Sure, his knees don't have any cartilage, but he's always great anyway and now he has Al Saunders back as his offensive coordinator! I know, I'm excited too. If it makes it easier, I can just point out that Lendale White went ahead of him and he's obese so...good pick.
Fifth Round - Tony Gonzalez, TE, Kansas City. I've never had him on my team before because for some reason I've always been really afraid of all Chiefs (their horrible quarterbacks). Still, he's remarkably consistent and a vegetarian. Him and Marshawn are going to have a lot to talk about as they drive (recklessly) to the farmer's market.
Sixth Round - Fred Taylor, RB, Jacksonville. Ugh.
Seventh Round - Donald Driver, WR, Green Bay. Ugh. These last two picks were all about value and consistency. Both were by far the best option at the time (I mean, a few true backups went before Taylor) but I doubt either will be on my team past week four because...
Eighth Round - Ricky Williams, RB, Miami. I love Ricky Williams this year (and every other year). Yes, he's single handily destroyed several Dolphins seasons by smoking pot and being generally eccentric, but he's an absolute monster. I really, really like Ricky Williams. He's everything I want in a football player except committed.
Ninth Round - Matt Schaub, QB, Houston. I don't know who he is either. I hope he's good.
Tenth Round - Ted Ginn Jr., WR, Miami. Namesake pick! Did I mention this league gives points for return yardage? And that Ted Ginn is the Dolphins number one receiver? And that guys like James Hardy were going at this point? And that he's had a monster preseason? And that Chad Pennington loves him? Sure, it's a homer pick, but I expect big things.
Eleventh Round - Indianapolis Defense. I don't know, whatever. Defenses get juggled in this league due to the short bench.
Twelfth Round - Ray Rice, RB, Baltimore. Picked solely under the hope that Willis McGahee (the guy starting in front of him) can't go week one and I get to trade him. If not, I'll drop him for the kicker. As with defenses, there's not a lot of holdover week to week for a lot of teams at the kicker position.
So in the end my team is:
QB: Matt Schaub
RB: Marshawn Lynch
RB: "Fast" Willie Parker
WR: Reggie Wayne
WR: Torry Holt
RB/WR: Ricky Williams
WR/TE: Donald Driver
TE: Tony Gonzalez
K:
Def: Indianapolis
BN: Ted Ginn Jr.
BN: Fred Taylor
BN: Ray Rice
That's a pretty salty team. What it lacks in a go-to guy, it should make up for with consistently great performances from Lynch, Parker, Holt, and Wayne. I think there's also some nice upside with Ginn and Williams who, as long as their car doesn't break down in front of a head shop in South Beach, should provide great value. If nothing else, I should know by Miami's early bye whether or not I need them.
Incidentally, I now love Ted Ginn Jr. How much? We'll see.
This is the same league that the much better named Lincoln Hawks were in last year if you're curious. This year the league has expanded to 14 teams which should mean a thinner talent pool overall, an interesting development in a league that only has two bench spots per team. I guess what I'm trying to say is, Congratulations on making someone's team, Selvin Young. You don't have to wait for an injury this year. At least in fake football. Real football? Um, I wouldn't buy that condo in Denver just yet.
I had the ninth pick, and the draft snakes so I got 9, 20, 37, 48, 65, etc.
First Round - Marshawn Lynch, RB, Buffalo Bills. This offseason, Marshawn hit someone with his car and then lied to the police about being the driver. He also has gold and diamond caps on his teeth. Basically, now that Tim Russert's dead, he's pretty much the toughest guy in Buffalo. After the debacle of my passionless team last season, I need a little bit more Barksdale and a little less Bubbles on my roster. On a more serious note, it would not surprise me at all if he leads the league in rushing this season.
Second Round - Reggie Wayne, WR, Indianopolis Colts. I thoroughly enjoyed having him on my team last season and wanted to sign up for another round. Also, he's from New Orleans and, according to an article I once read, got such good hands by catching rocks as a kid. Hey, Marshawn, I drafted you a friend.
Third Round - Willie Parker, RB, Pittsburgh. Simply the best value on the board at pick 37. Plus, his nickname, "Fast" Willie Parker, is a pre-name nickname which, among other things, makes it pretty awesome. If it's not clear, I'm not entirely sold on him, but if he does what he does last year, I'll be more than happy. He doesn't score touchdowns but neither do I and I'm okay with me.
Fourth Round - Torry Holt, WR, St. Louis. Maybe my favorite pick of the draft. Sure, his knees don't have any cartilage, but he's always great anyway and now he has Al Saunders back as his offensive coordinator! I know, I'm excited too. If it makes it easier, I can just point out that Lendale White went ahead of him and he's obese so...good pick.
Fifth Round - Tony Gonzalez, TE, Kansas City. I've never had him on my team before because for some reason I've always been really afraid of all Chiefs (their horrible quarterbacks). Still, he's remarkably consistent and a vegetarian. Him and Marshawn are going to have a lot to talk about as they drive (recklessly) to the farmer's market.
Sixth Round - Fred Taylor, RB, Jacksonville. Ugh.
Seventh Round - Donald Driver, WR, Green Bay. Ugh. These last two picks were all about value and consistency. Both were by far the best option at the time (I mean, a few true backups went before Taylor) but I doubt either will be on my team past week four because...
Eighth Round - Ricky Williams, RB, Miami. I love Ricky Williams this year (and every other year). Yes, he's single handily destroyed several Dolphins seasons by smoking pot and being generally eccentric, but he's an absolute monster. I really, really like Ricky Williams. He's everything I want in a football player except committed.
Ninth Round - Matt Schaub, QB, Houston. I don't know who he is either. I hope he's good.
Tenth Round - Ted Ginn Jr., WR, Miami. Namesake pick! Did I mention this league gives points for return yardage? And that Ted Ginn is the Dolphins number one receiver? And that guys like James Hardy were going at this point? And that he's had a monster preseason? And that Chad Pennington loves him? Sure, it's a homer pick, but I expect big things.
Eleventh Round - Indianapolis Defense. I don't know, whatever. Defenses get juggled in this league due to the short bench.
Twelfth Round - Ray Rice, RB, Baltimore. Picked solely under the hope that Willis McGahee (the guy starting in front of him) can't go week one and I get to trade him. If not, I'll drop him for the kicker. As with defenses, there's not a lot of holdover week to week for a lot of teams at the kicker position.
So in the end my team is:
QB: Matt Schaub
RB: Marshawn Lynch
RB: "Fast" Willie Parker
WR: Reggie Wayne
WR: Torry Holt
RB/WR: Ricky Williams
WR/TE: Donald Driver
TE: Tony Gonzalez
K:
Def: Indianapolis
BN: Ted Ginn Jr.
BN: Fred Taylor
BN: Ray Rice
That's a pretty salty team. What it lacks in a go-to guy, it should make up for with consistently great performances from Lynch, Parker, Holt, and Wayne. I think there's also some nice upside with Ginn and Williams who, as long as their car doesn't break down in front of a head shop in South Beach, should provide great value. If nothing else, I should know by Miami's early bye whether or not I need them.
Quarterback is the biggest concern, but I feel good about Schaub. Everyone loves Andre Johnson this year, and, if they're right, that means Schaub is getting things done. Even if he falters, I'll be able to pick up his backup, Sage "I Rent Myself Out for Parties" Rosenfels. We have a history.
Draft grade: B+
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