Exhibit 1.4.14

Checking In

Let's see what's going on in my old hometown these days...

O for god's sake. This is terrible!

East Fifth does not need new pavement.

Exhibit 1.4.13

Stock Photography Review
Sadsack Businessmen



To honor Mathias Svalina's I Am a Very Productive Entrepreneur--and at the long ago suggestion of one Jimmy Stockham--here are some some sadsack businessmen. But first, you should be sure to pick up Mathias's book which is amazing and entrepreneurial and portable and here. I read it months ago and my favorites have stuck with me long after I should have been paying attention to other things like teaching or writing or whatever it is I do.



"Things are going to get better, Robert, things are going to get better. You've got French cuffs and this is going to be okay."


"Makeup can make my cheeks shine, my lips pop, and my hair porcupine, but it can't make Vanessa come back."


"Why did I start a private architecture library? Nobody went to the one at school and nobody is going to this one either. I don't even know what an architecture library is."


"When they find me, I'll have to say something cute like 'I've got motherboard issues.' Not the truth, not yet."


"More like a notary sad."


"When there was only one set of footprints, it was because I was claiming you as a dependent."


"Dress for the job you want, they said, but I'm still here at the front desk and no closer to that handjob."


"Hey, Cindy. Cindy! Are you having emotions?"


"Okay, keep it together. She might still want to buy the steak knives. What was her name? Vanessa something?"


"I hope it's a nice day outside and not one of those this-hellish-white-landscape-is-a-metaphor-for-how-I'm-dying-inside days. O, goddamnit."


"Every year I find a way to ruin the company Christmas party, and firing everyone to hire Prince to perform may have been the best way yet."


"Stay calm, Robert, this is happening. We always knew it would. O God. Think of the cuffs."


Bonus! Submit your own caption for this one in the comments:


And don't forget to buy Mathias's book at SPD.

Exhibit 1.4.12

How I Know My Phone Is Dying




* Keeps launching Pandora on the Warren Zevon station

* Only works on speakerphone so that god can hear its cries

* Like a Grandpa in the old folks home, no longer recognizes grandchildren/car charger

* Shows complete apathy over whether or not it's on ringer, vibrate

* Calls you in my pocket so you can decide

* Clock only updates when unlocked, phone only unlocked when someone needs me hence--also like grandpa in the old folks home--thinks it's Tuesday, September 24, 1978

* This doesn't explain why it now receives text messages by Pony Express

* It was made by a company that has been bought, spun off, and no longer exists

* It still exists, but only that--nothing more

Anyway, I'm sorry to see it go. It was a good phone.

Exhibit 1.4.11

Today in Confusing Stock Photography




O, The Huffington Post. You're the world's number one purveyor of slideshows about bad stock photography and bad stock photography.

Also, not so good at the irony.

Exhibit 1.4.10

Wok



I need you to know that I now own a wok.

It's like my best friend.

I call it Wok-uin Phoenix.

My fridge is full of leftover noodle and rice dishes.

Sometimes I season the wok just for fun.

I say the word patina a lot.

I don't blog.

I keep hoping lightning will hit a tree so I can carve a wok paddle out of it.

When I'm watching baseball and here the word "walk" I get up and make stirfry.

I nod at Asians.

I judge people based on the amount of fish sauce they have.

I think about whether or not fish have woks.

I'm already thinking about buying a better wok.

I'd name this one River Phoenix.

I couldn't do that to my wok.

Exhibit 1.4.9

Royals Season Review

Blog crossover! So fellow fiction writer, Nebraskan, and Royals fan Theodore Wheeler asked me if I'd like to trade some questions about this Kansas City Royals, and I of course said yes. Talking about the Royals is one of my favorite things to do in the world, ranking somewhere between eating French Toast and talking about eating French Toast.

For those of you not paying attention to this season in Royals baseball--which, according to my math, is all of humanity minus about 100 people currently inside an Arthur Bryant's--the Royals finished up the year 71-91 which was good enough for 4th place in the AL Central, besting only the lowly, lowly Twins (let's not take the time to remember my Royals season preview in which I predicted the Twins to win the central).

Buried in another miserable record, however, were real signs of hope, mostly centered around an improving offense led by a resurgent Alex Gordon, career years from a couple of fan-hated castoffs, and, of course, the long awaited arrival of some of the best prospects in baseball. The Royals ended the season looking like a team ready to compete for the division as early as next season and, indeed, advance stats have them as the second best team in the division already with a lot more talent on the way.

Are the Royals finally legit? I don't know. Ted might. I asked him. Below are my questions to Ted and his answers.

You can find my answers to his questions at Ted's site The Uninitiated right here.


Adam: What does 2012 look like for the Royals? There’s certainly a sense of excitement around the team now that the season is ending that wasn’t there in June when the losses mounted, the rookies struggled, and the farm system fell back to Earth. Is this just a September mirage made possible by journeymen and young guys filling out 40-man rosters or are these performances real? I guess the question is this: can this team compete for the division in 2012 or are they a year (or more) away?

Ted: The Royals have made a September surge an annual event in the last decade, so I’m inclined to be skeptical of the results of late. However, I expected Hosmer, Moustakas, and Perez to play well—so maybe seeing is believing at this point. I do think the Royals have a chance to compete for the division in 2012, although a lot of that optimism comes from the fact that they play in the AL Central. The Tigers probably have a couple more years in their run (Verlander has to regress at some point, right?), but I’m not all that scared by anyone else. The Indians have a chance to be good, yet they had a lot of guys playing out of their minds this season, and still finished as a mediocre team. Although it won’t be as bad as it has this year, the Twins are on a downward slide. And I can’t imagine the White Sox find anyone who can hold all the head-cases on their roster together better than Ozzie Guillen. (Here’s hoping Hal McRae gets another shot. That would be quite a show.) So the Royals will have a shot. From top-to-bottom, I don’t see a huge weakness in the lineup. Both Frenchy and Melky Cabrera will probably regress—but it’s important to remember that 2011 was still just their age 26 and 27 seasons, which is typically when a hitter is at his peak. So it’s possible that they, along with Gordon and Billy Butler, are just settling into the prime of their careers. At the least, with that in mind, I doubt anyone falls off a cliff. Add that to a solid bullpen, and I think the Royals hopes in 2012 all come down to how well the rotation can compete.


A: This year’s starting rotation was, frankly, terrible, and it’s painful to imagine how much worse they would have been without the performance of Felipe Paulino who was picked up for nothing at the end of May. What do you see the Royals doing this offseason and what would you want them to do? Can they count on Paulino to repeat his performance? Will Duffy make a leap? And—I guess we’re still asking this—will Hochevar? A better question: do the Royals currently have anyone in the rotation who they can count on in their long-term plans?

T: This is the factor that can, and probably will, sink the Royals in 2012. Paulino has been a horse this year, and he has the kind of stuff and physical attributes that could lead to an out-of-nowhere special season. I think Duffy will get better, but it will probably be a couple years before he gets comfortable challenging MLB hitters. I’m pretty sure Luke Hochevar is what he is at this point. So we have three maybes, not one you can count on—and it gets a bit darker from there, unfortunately. Moore needs to find a top starter, if not two, if they expect to be a playoff team. That being said, the Royals aren’t going to find anyone on the free agent or trade market who can compete with Justin Verlander pitch for pitch. CJ Wilson would be a great sign, but he’s not coming here. Would Edwin Jackson be worth overpaying for? Or worth risking team chemistry over? Maybe. There may be some interesting prospects on the trade market—Clayton Kershaw, Gio Gonzalez, Dan Haren—but no one knows how that will shake out at this point. And would it be worth it to give up Mike Montgomery and Wil Myers, plus two middling prospects, for two years of a potentially elite starter. Maybe. But Montgomery has a ton of talent—Chuck Finley is the comp I’ve heard the most—and could be that guy himself if he figures some things out this winter.

I’ll hate myself for saying this, but I kind of wish Moore would make a run at signing Mark Buehrle. (And back from a quick shower…) He isn’t a great pitcher anymore, but Buehrle’s influence on the young White Sox pitchers the last few years has been evident. I’d love to see what that kind of veteran influence would do for guys like Duffy and Montgomery. And for Paulino and Hochevar for that matter. I could live with a rotation of Buehrle, Hochevar, Duffy, Paulino, Teaford. Is that a playoff-caliber rotation? (Please hold all derisive laughter.) Of course it isn’t. But maybe it’s good enough to stay in the race until July, if the offense continues produce like it has in the second-half this year, and at that point Moore can go out and get a premier starter. (Zack Greinke anyone?) Or maybe Montgomery could give a surge. 2012 probably won’t be the year that KC makes it back to the playoffs. But if that year is going to come in the next decade, 2012 has to be the year the Royals get used to being in the conversation.


A: So you asked me about the prospects who played this year, but I’m curious about your take on prospects who are still in the system. Obviously this gets tricky as we don’t really see these guys (at least I don’t down in Texas), but my question is this: what prospects who haven’t yet seen the majors do you see having the biggest impact on the team next year? Long-term? Also, is there still enough talent in the system to round out a complete roster or are the Royals going to have to go shopping?

T: The Royals debuted five position players this year, four who are starters, and three who performed pretty well. Seven pitchers have made their debut, with an astounding five rookies with an ERA under 3.65. (Each of the five are bullpen guys.) It’s no surprise that they are the youngest team in the majors, and it isn’t even close. So you couldn’t really blame the Royals if the cupboard was bare. Fortunately, there’s still a ton of quality down on the farm. If anyone does fall off, or get hurt, there’s some depth to fill in. There aren’t a bunch of superstars left, but there are plenty of guys who should be able to hold their own over the course of a month or two if needed. David Lough is a guy who, on Royals teams of the past, probably would have spent most of the year with the big club. Yet, with the organization as it is now, it’s likely that Lough will never see meaningful time with major league squad. That’s great progress. There’s no reason for Moore to go shopping for spare parts this year, or any year in the foreseeable future, with the rotation as a possible caveat.

Just going down the organizational ladder, there are many guys who we might see in KC over the next few years. Lorenzo Cain will be an MLB regular somewhere. Clint Robinson will play for the A’s someday. Yamaico Navarro and Jarrod Dyson are capable bench players now. Kelvin Herrera will be in the bullpen. Mike Montgomery has ace stuff—but he’s also a tall lefty, so it might take a while before he learns to control it. Wil Myers is still a top talent, if he can avoid injuries and regain his confidence. Chris Dwyer will be a quality bullpen lefty at worst, and can still be a mid-rotation guy. Jake Odorizzi has the looks of a two or three starter in the majors. John Lamb won’t start throwing again until late in the summer, but most people I’ve heard are confident that he’ll rebound and be in the majors sometime in 2013. (The guy had a 3.09 ERA in the Texas League, a notorious hitter’s league, as a 20 year-old with an injured shoulder that kept him from throwing his best pitch. If it wasn’t for his undergoing Tommy John surgery, Lamb would have been in the rotation by August this year.) There are a bunch of guys in A-ball to keep an eye on too: Noel Arguelles, Cheslor Cuthbert, Brett Eibner, Jason Adam, Yordano Ventura, Jorge Bonifacio, Michael Antonio, and Robinson Yambati. Bubba Starling is starting instructional league this week in Arizona. Then there’s the next wave of bullpen guys to keep an eye on: Kevin Chapman, Patrick Keating, Henry Barrera, and Kendal Volz. Cuthbert and Bonifacio have the kind of talent that they could find themselves as Top 20 prospects in the next couple years.

There are plenty of question marks—Will Chris Colon ever rebound? Will Rey Navarro ever hit enough to get his glove on the field? Do Myers, Dwyer, and Montgomery reestablish themselves as top prospects?—but a few bad things were bound to happen after everything went right in 2010. I think we’ll see things come back to center in 2012, as far as the farm goes. There’s too much talent there to not have a few guys ready to pop every year.




Theodore Wheeler’s fiction has appeared or is forthcoming in Best New American Voices, The Kenyon Review, Boulevard, The Cincinnati Review, and Confrontation, among other venues. He is a senior fiction reader at Prairie Schooner, and is currently at work on a novel that is mostly about German-American political thugs, the First World War, and the events surrounding the Omaha Race Riot of 1919.


And don't forget to check out Ted's site and my answers to his questions.

Exhibit 1.4.8

Textbook

So there's a textbook required for the Composition One class I teach, and while normally I just ignore it if not openly disparage it, there are a few lessons I use from its opening chapters since they're relevant to what the students will do in Comp Two. I don't want my students to be the ones who don't know what ethos is.

(Nobody knows what ethos is.)

Part of this involves a lesson on what the book calls angle of vision which is mostly about how writers control their messages using their perspective, etc. etc. Basic stuff. In the past, the book had a cartoon that made the point that people with different priorities could see the same issue in a variety of ways. This issue was stem cells. Fair enough, that's an issue on which reasonable people can disagree (even if some of them are clearly much, much more reasonable).

So I open this year's textbook expecting to find that same cartoon and instead, there's this:


!!!!

The textbook people, apparently too burned by the controversy over stem cells (in a lesson designed to prepare students to argue effectively no less), decided that this year's issue on which reasonable people could disagree was sweatshops. And somehow they couldn't even come up with a 50/50 split of opinions. 4 out of 6 people in their little scenario are seemingly in favor of sweatshops and only some greasy hippie objects on moral grounds.

Even the explicitly Asian sweatshop worker kid is in favor of sweatshops! Come on, Liang, you couldn't have at least said, "I have mixed feelings on working 14 hour days for pennies."

I really don't know what else to say about it. None of it makes any sense to me. It might be a brilliant but cynical take down of consumer culture and modern capitalism or it might be that someone thinks sweatshops are an issue with sides.

Thank god they didn't ask these people:










Yes, I drew those. Yes, it took more than 10 minutes. No, I will not be drawing again.

Exhibit 1.4.7

Things

* You definitely need to check out the new The Literary Review which is really beautiful and full of great work and also a couple of [SPOILER ALERT]s. You can actually read those online, but then you'd be missing out on the rest of the fantastic stuff and that would make you, I hate to say it, some kind of idiot. Don't be an idiot.

* There are also some [SPOILER ALERT]s in the new Copper Nickel which--and this isn't just talk--is also beautiful. Seriously. I don't get it. We feel very lucky to have the pieces in two very cool journals. Or at least I do. I don't know how Laura Eve feels. Let's go ask her.

* I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel good about my thoughts on Rick Perry so quickly proving themselves accurate. Or maybe that's not what happened. I don't know. The important thing is that everyone seems to have realized he's an idiot (probably because he didn't read all the way through his literary journals). Bush overcame it. Can Perry? Something tells me he can't. Romney it is (which is actually maybe scary though the John Kerry parallels would be both eery and reassuring).

* "Hey, that final baseball day sure was crazy, wasn't it?" - everyone.

* And yes, yes it was. Look for more Royals thoughts soon in the rare SPM-other blog crossover. And by rare I mean it's never happened and I'm surprised anyone asked.

Exhibit 1.4.6

Wisconsin


I found this shirt in Madison in anticipation of this week's game against Nebraska, and I have to say, it's sort of awesome. That it's in Nebraska's colors (only because Wisconsin shares them), that there's something so linguistically strange about its chosen insult--its concern with ranking and history and that it attacks the state as a whole and not the football team or the university--well, I sort of want it. I wish it had a question mark at the end as if it, like, meant to start a conversation about Nebraska's place in the country or maybe took more seriously its use of "ever" which confuses everything, but still, it's a really idiosyncratic shirt which could only have sprung from a rivalry which is not and never will be real.

I love it.

I want Nebraska to answer with their own strange insults when these two teams meet again in the Big 10 Championship game:

Exhibit 1.4.5

This Happened

So I was in an airport bathroom--which always sounds like it will lead to a better story than it does--washing my hands when I hear a man behind me gasp and yell, "There's a woman in there!"

I think, O, that's weird, I didn't remember seeing a woman or anyone else during any part of the urinating process, but, well, I wasn't really looking for one and I hope she wasn't offended or maybe I'm in the wrong bathroom but in any case I should probably look around and apologize as the gasping gentleman seems, based upon his volume, to be quite certain there is a woman here, here in this room where I'm currently standing slapping at the soap dispenser to get it to work and maybe the lady knows hot to get the soap dispenser to work I should ask her yes I will ask the lady.

I turn and scan the room, but there's no one there except me. At this point, I think, That's even weirder as the gentleman who I am now going to have to turn to see momentarily claimed there was a woman in here when, in fact, there was only me and no one else and maybe the lady left and now the soap dispenser is working too much and...O.

When I turn I see two guys had just turned the corner, an older one who is staring at me in horror and a younger one who is trying not to laugh.

"O God, I'm sorry," the older guy says then looks like he wants to explain what, exactly, made him yell that I was a woman--presumably it was the flowing locks and killer blouse--but holds back.

"It's okay," I say, then think, I probably shouldn't tell anyone about this but what if they hear it from the old guy first, so, no, I'll tell everyone about this great.

Exhibit 1.4.4

Answers


I answered some questions for Midwestern Gothic here. Of course, that link includes a link right back here, so some of you are stuck in an endless Adam Peterson-loop while my cold, dead eyes look on disapprovingly. Or maybe it's not at all like that. I really don't know how you're spending your day.

In any case, it's a great journal and you should pick up a copy here.

Exhibit 1.4.3

Archival

One of the first stories I ever published is now online as part of the new Madison Review website. And from the same Spring 2008 issue you can also read a poem by Adam Day. Apparently we were journal buddies before we shared an office.

Adam is also an editor at Catch Up, a new journal of literature and comics. Check it out here.

Exhibit 1.4.2

No More Politics or Football

Only Darkwing Ducks

Exhibit 1.4.1

Debate Thoughts

Because you didn't ask.

* Perry was Perry. He's strong on the economic stuff where he's got his talking points down, but anyone watching through the end could see his obvious weaknesses on, well, everything else. He's just not good at speaking off the cuff and his best bet in the general is to achieve something like a Kerry-Bush dynamic and cast the president as an out-of-touch blowhard. Man, that's a steep hill as Obama isn’t Kerry and we’ve already had a Bush. So it remains: Perry is really, really bad when he leaves his comfort zone. His comfort zone, by the way, seems to exist between him and the coyote he's currently hunting in his mind.

* He’s got a huge problem with Social Security, by the way. Rather than back down from the ideas in his stupid, stupid book, he doubled down. Someone needs to work up the spine to tell the governor that the only problem people have with Social Security is that it might not be there. “Fixing” it is one thing, saying it shouldn’t exist is another. And by another I mean insanely unpopular.

* Most telling moment of the night was one that most probably didn't stick around for but will surely get a lot of play on the left: the crowd’s kneejerk cheering Perry's execution total. I wouldn't overreact to this--we could probably come up with some pretty terrible applause lines that would fly at a Democratic primary debate--but that there will be no rightwing repudiation of this is one of the things that has to have mainstream Republicans worried. I mean, where can you go from there? Unless the Republicans are willing to go full on The Running Man, you’ve got to think they’d rather this not be a party plank.

* And that’s really the underplayed narrative of their field (if it’s possible to have such a thing in this political climate). They aren’t just for killing 234 murderers—another terrible, out-of-date but not entirely unjustifiable position—they applaud it. Without prompting. In the middle of a sentence. Spoken by a journalist. We should recognize what they were really applauding was their support given what they suspected was going to be (something they would perceive as) a “gotcha” question. But that’s what makes this so problematic and the party’s prospects so dim as long as they pursue this path. Suspicion of the media. Suspicion of what are quickly becoming mainstream values. And, this is the problem, suspicion of anyone who would deviate from those values. Honestly, if they’d followed up that question by asking all the candidates, “Do any of you have a problem with governor Perry’s execution record?” would any have been brave enough to raise their hands? Of course not. But that’s not the bad part. The bad part would be if someone asked why the other governors hadn’t executed more.

Because here’s the thing: once you’re so paranoid that you can’t accept any deviation from a set of beliefs without it being a threat, you start to form a cult around those things you believe. Some tax cuts are good? Then all tax cuts are good. Government spending is bad? Then government shouldn’t spend on anything. Executions are good? Government should execute as many as possible.

And this, actually, isn’t that unusual of a position for the extremes of either party (though I think it’s a little more typical of rightwing thought whereas the left usually has some level of perceived [if not entirely real] nuance), it’s that this thought has somehow become the norm of the party in the last two cycles. It’s actually hard to overstate how impossible seeming this would be for modern Democrats. Imagine if Bernie Sanders suddenly got to dictate the terms of the debate the way Jim DeMint does? We' be thrilled right up until we started losing every election. Then we'd be less thrilled, I imagine.

Anyway, it’s fascinating here because of what it will mean for the general election. Conventional wisdom says these ideas can’t possibly win a national election, electoral college or no, economy or no. Conventional wisdom says these are fringe candidate ideas. And yet here we are cheering them before they can even be spoken.

* I’m writing this while playing online chess in a coffee shop. It’s amazing nobody has looked at my computer and punched me in the face.

* So, quick summary: any Republicans concerned with actually winning an election have to be moving to the Romney camp about now. He looked good and, to be honest, I was a little afraid of how he might match up with Obama given the president's considerable struggles. Which is not to say Republicans wouldn’t happily settle for Perry, just that those electability questions loom nearly as big for him as they once did for Bachmann.

Exhibit 1.3.27

Fantasy Football Draft Recap (Redux)

I'm hating myself more and more with every word I type. I'll probably only be able to manage some 700 or 800 of them. Forgive me. For everything.

The Cal Drogo

O, god and I made a logo. I almost forgot about that. But I didn't. Instead I told everyone about it and posted it every time I got the opportunity. Otherwise, however, I totally forgot.

Round 1 - Chris Johnson, RB
I sort of wonder where he would have gone if I hadn't grabbed him at 6. I feel like people forgot that the reason he was downgraded was because he was holding out but that, now that he signed, there's really nothing wrong with him. Or maybe I'm forgetting something, like how he hasn't played at all this preseason and Tennessee is horrible and I should have just rolled the dice with Vick. Except there's this: we've spent the last two periods in my composition classroom discussing a couple of articles on Vick and, frankly, I hate him. I remember that.

I actually feel really good about Johnson here. Their QB situation is more stable (if not more fragile), and outside of injury, Johnson seems like as safe a bet to put up 1500+ yards as there is.

Round 2 - Larry Fitzgerald, WR
Let's all forget about who I grabbed in the second round of my last draft and try to focus on the fact that in this one, I got a guy who put up numbers even with Derek Anderson and Max Hall throwing him the ball. Fitzgerald is like Antonio Gates. You just like having him.

Really though, there wasn't much temptation to go in any other direction. Vick almost dropped all the way here which was a shock in a 12-team league and I would have picked him if he were insulting a puppy's mother in front of it while eating all of its rawhide cigars. I would have, really.

Round 3 - Matt Forte, RB
I've actually always had a weird soft spot for Forte, mostly because I don't really understand who he is or where he comes from or why he's good or what he likes to do on weekends. O, except put up yards. He's not a TD guy--not yet--but damn if he isn't productive. Bet you didn't know he's averaged 1500 yards rushing/receiving per year. I'll take it. The Bears' offensive line is horrible, but I don't really care. They were last year too. Felt really good about this pick. I like guys who nobody thinks about until they put up 20 points and confuse everyone.

Round 4 - Dez Bryant, WR
What we've learned here is that I will take Dez Bryant if given the opportunity. I think I actually wanted Brandon Marshall here, but my brother jumped on him. Or maybe I wanted him with the next pick. I can't remember.

The theme of this draft is memory: I only have it when it comes to dogs and not football or Matt Forte's hobbies.

Round 5 - Ben Roethlisberger, QB
Why do I always wait too long to take a QB and end up with this clown?

That's what I wrote two years ago when I waited too long and took that clown. This year, I feel a good about him, actually (that offense is explosive), but I still hate him as evidenced by my having never said one nice thing about him on this blog.

Round 6 - Jimmy Graham, TE
Tight ends were going fast and I (like everyone else) really love Jimmy Graham this year. I reached a little, but the other options weren't anything special. I loved him coming out of Miami, actually, and remained more than a little bummed the Dolphins couldn't find a way to get him.

I want one of two things out of my tightend position: consistency so I never have to think about it or extreme upside so it becomes exciting to check the box score. Thanks, Jimmy.

Round 7 - Joseph Addai, RB
This league plays with two flex spots and a short bench so Addai will almost certainly start for me until he gets hurt or Peyton Manning dies and the Colts fall apart. So the upside is...well, I'm not sure actually. He's a weird player. He's never been that good--and he's been bad the last three years--and yet he's still the starter and it's not inconceivable that if healthy he could be a really strong number three. I'm not counting on him or anything, but it would be nice if he proved to have one more average season in him.

Round 8 - Fred Jackson, RB
This is the perplexing thing about fantasy football generally (and this league specifically). Having Fred Jackson as your fourth running back and second flex really isn't terrible. In fact, I can imagine scenarios where people would be excited to have him as their third if the fourth were a boom or bust wide receiver. Jackson is a starter, always produces, catches passes, will get goal line carries, etc. And yet nobody wants him. Hell, I don't even want him. No team starting him can be that good.

It's strange, but I think I'd rather have him as my third best running back than my fourth. That would at least imply I had strength elsewhere. As is, he's just sort of there not being very good or very bad. I don't like it. You can't trust mediocrity. I want to cut him already which doesn't even make any sense.

Round 9 - Pierre Garcon, WR
Why not? O right, because I hated him last year.

Round 10 - Davone Bess, WR
I love Davone Bess. I hope he challenges Fred Jackson to a fight and only one comes back.

Fantasy football doesn't work that way, but I wish it did. The Cal Drogo play Fantasy Fantasy Football, and that's the way I like it.

Anyway, I weirdly might start Bess more than any of the three people picked in front of him because I like Dolphins and Bess is reliable. That's probably not smart, but smart isn't what got Ed Stark to where he is today.


Draft Grade: B. I thought about B-minus, but the more I look at this team the more I like it and might even go B-plus. Those first three picks are perfect, I feel like, and if Dez steps up (which, apparently, I really think is going to happen) and Pitt's offense is what it should be then I've got a really strong lineup of marque players. Down roster it's more 'take a walk' than it is 'hit or miss,' but that might not be a bad thing. Might not be a good thing either. Who knows. I honestly have forgotten who my tight end is. Is it Antonio Gates? God, I hope so.