Exhibit 1.5.4

Me Trying to Get a Driver's License: A Play

[Scene: a hellscape of over 100 screaming people with chairs pointed every direction, a kind of adult kindergarten after the teacher has left the room with an intercom slowly announcing numbers well into the thousands like that radio tower on LOST, a place I drove 30 minutes to and waited another 20 in line at]

Me: Here's my old license and a passport.
Lady: I need your Social Security card, too.
Me: That's not what it said on the website. It said I needed it or a passport.
Lady: It changed. Now you need both.
Me: You're honestly telling me everyone in Texas with a driver's license has a passport?
Lady: What?
Me: Well, I don't have my social security card.
Lady: You can also use a college transcript.
Me: What?

[Interruption from an old white woman who asks for a book to study for the written exam and is told they only have them in Spanish. She putters away presumably vowing to vote Republican until she dies next month].

Lady: So can I help you with anything else?
Me: Did you help me with anything this time?

The worst part is: she was totally right and I either misread something or it has changed. And now here I am complaining about being incorrect on the internet because I know I have to go back there tomorrow. I guess with a college transcript and some apology roses.

Exhibit 21.20

Zack Greinke Should Win Both Cy Young Awards

And maybe next year's, too. Now, lest you think this is just hyperbole, let's look at his numbers against the NL during interleague play:

3 GS
2-1
21 IP
7 ER
3.00 ERA
17 K
2 BB

Good but not so fantastic relative to the rest of his remarkable year, but let's look at the current NL Cy Young favorite, Adam Wainwright, and his performance against the AL:

3 GS
2-1
20 IP
8 ER
3.60 ERA
18 K
6 BB

Comparable, right? Ah, but one of those games was against the Royals and the Royals scored 5 runs off him in six innings. This despite the Royals being terrible at baseball. Naturally, the Royals still lost that game and Wainwright got the win, but the point is this: Zack Greinke would dominate the Royals.

So let's imagine what would happen if Greinke got to face his own Royals team. This will be like when two friends both pick the same team in a video game, same rosters, different uniforms, two virtual Mark Teahens winking at each other from across the field. My guess for a line is this:

8 IP
2 R
0 ER
14 K
0 BB

(Naturally, since Zack would still have the Royals playing behind him, he'd lose the game after an Alberto Callaspo-A error extended an inning and Mike Jacobs-A went 0-4 with 3 Ks. Kyle Farnsworth-B would get the win then promptly start a fight with Kyle Farnsworth-A).

I guess my point is this: Zack Greinke should get all the Cy Youngs we've got. Until the NL can produce a candidate who didn't allow a HR to Jose Guillen and his .367 slugging percentage, I'm not changing my mind.