Exhibit 1.3.24

Fantasy Football Draft Recap

Politics! Fantasy football! I'm that guy you hate! Anyway, this happening. Worse, there's going to be another next week for the Game of Thrones-inspired The Cal Drogo.

(Note: I said that solely because I keep getting search hits from people looking for "Game of Thrones Fantasy Football Team Name." I'm currently #4 behind things that aren't even about fantasy football. I want to be #1. So I'm going to keep saying Game of Thrones and fantasy football until it happens. You've been warned).

This week's team, however, is:

Mike Kafkaesque

Look, it's a league with other writers, what do you want from me? Although, yes, it's true, I probably didn't need to spend all that time photoshopping a bowler onto the 3rd string quarterback from Philadelphia's head.

Round 1 - Arian Foster, RB
It's not so much that I love Foster as I love his odd first name. What did the nurses think when his mom said it for the first time? How many times until he became famous was it spelled "Aryan"? How uncomfortable would it make everyone if I renamed my team "The Arian Brotherhood." Still, as the guy with the 2nd pick in the draft, I feel good about Foster. I could have had Peterson, too, and while I would love a guy with my own last name, I just hate his offensive line, his fumbles, and the fact that nothing about "Adrian" name makes me laugh. Well, okay, that's not true.

(Update: Within hours after I wrote this it came out that Foster's hamstring "tweak" might actually be a tear that could cause him to miss a few weeks. Damnit).

Round 2 - Shonn Greene, RB
Shut up. Just shut up. He ruined my team last year, his team might throw more this year, his name is equally misspelled but not nearly as funny, and he plays for a team I hate. Otherwise, this was a great pick. Seriously though, I panicked. Was a tough spot since the guy I wanted (Larry Fitzgerald) was picked one spot ahead an it was a weird nether region of 3rd tier running backs and 2nd tier wide receivers. Despite all this, I actually do think Greene can have a good--even great--season. LT is fading into the background, the Jets are still going to run a lot because Mark Sanchez sucks, and Greene showed he was ready at the end of last season.

I still hate this pick.

Round 3 - Tom Brady, RB
I wanted to make sure I had two guys on my team that I really hated. Still, I actually feel really good about this pick as he was the last marquee QB. And by marquee QB, I literally mean he would rather be on a marquee than play football. When he quits midway through the season to take over the role of Jaime Lannister on Game of Thrones, my fantasy football team is going to be totally Game of Thrones fantasy football GoT fantasy football team names winter is coming.

Round 4 - Dez Bryant, WR
You know how you haven't heard anything about Dez Bryant this offseason? No fighting teammates, no oddly large jewelry debts, no getting kicked out of bars? Yeah, I like that. I believe. Still, as my #1 receiver in a 10-team league, I think we can safely say my receivers are the weak point which is why...

Round 5 - Antonio Gates, TE
I had Antonio Gates on my team once and it was like having Wesley Clark in your war. Things got done, nobody got hurt, we all thought--hey, that went really well, shouldn't it always go that well? It better. I love Antonio Gates.

Round 6 - Marques Colston, WR
Just a solid performer who I think is in for a good season. I really wanted Brandon Marshall here, but unfortunately he went like 26 picks before. I wasn't really paying attention. Colston is probably in the "other guys on this team need the ball now" stage of his career, but he's still a good bet for yards, touchdowns, and consistency.

Round 7 - Matt Schaub, QB
I actually don't remember if I took him or the next pick here, but I did like grabbing Schaub. I have no idea why nobody else grabbed him (Eli Manning, Ben Roethlisberger [who when I misspelled his name autocorrect suggested I switch to 'Brotherhood' which is both sort of right and completely wrong], and Josh Freeman are other starting QBs in this league). I'm pretty sure I can trade Schaub at some point or, at worst, he's a strong backup.

Round 8 - Beanie Wells, RB
They have no one else to run the ball, and they have to run, right? Right? Please? I always pick guys like this and they always end up sucking. O well. Both him and Greene could be awesome or terrible. There really doesn't seem to be an inbetween.

Rounds 9 - the end in some order:

Kenny Britt, WR - He's had the opposite of Dez Bryant's offseason and yet for some reason I love the idea of Hassleback throwing him the ball. He's good.

Steve Smith, WR (Panthers) - As long as the playoffs are played using stats from 2005, he should be a good pick.

Jonathan Stewart, RB - I don't know. I remember wanting someone who wasn't him, but, well, here we are with two players from the worst team in football back-to-back. Best case scenario is DeAngelo Williams gets injured. Which seems likely. O, and Stewart himself is not injured. This seems less likely.

Michael Crabtree, WR - You'll notice none of my backups come from teams with good QBs. That might be an issue. O well. I love Crabtree and think if he's healthy he could have a good year no matter who is throwing him the ball. Except he's not healthy and no one is going to be throwing the ball.

Ben Tate, RB - Arian insurance. Which, incidentally, is something you can buy in Mississippi.

Alex Henery, K - What can I say, a homer pick. Nebraska!

Miami Dolphins, D - Same. I'm probably going to just go ahead and drop them week one when they play New England. Still, I think Miami's defense is going to be pretty damn impressive this season. I mean, they were last season and have only gotten better. Still, I don't want to mess with Tom Brady star of the hit HBO fantasy drama Game of Thrones. Not when my good fantasy football team name is on the line.


Draft grade: B. I feel like I've got limited upside, especially with some of my backups, but that overall this team is likely to be a consistently strong performer. Need to get another WR and hope that one of Wells and Greene shows up, but if those things happen, it's a good team.

Exhibit 18.26

I had the privilege of filling Bryan Mohr's seat and joining Mike Shearer and my brother Jeff on their radio show this past weekend. The Weekly Grind--Omaha's only Saturday morning AM radio show for the young professional--is quite the enterprise and, from what I hear, even greater plans are afoot. At least if I didn't ruin it.

If you must, you can download the podcast here or subscribe on iTunes. We talk Las Vegas, Marriage, Celebrities, Lincoln vs. Omaha, and even a little Kansas City Royals.

(Just FYI: there were some technical problems which led to an early commercial break. Actual talk starts around the three minute mark).

You should be sure to check the show out in the future when my problematically nerdy voice isn't on it. Those guys are doing good work.

Exhibit 13.22

Thoughts on the Mike Jacobs Trade

Okay, if you're not a baseball fan in general or a Royals fan in particular, you definitely don't need to read this. Here, read this.

So the Royals made a trade, shipping 25-year-old reliever Leo "The Splinter" Nunez to the Florida Marlins for newly 28-year-old 1B Mike Jacobs (happy birthday, Mike). Other than the fact that Mike needs a nickname (The Vacuum? I joke, I joke), I think it's a respectable trade which puts me at odds with just about everyone in the world whose name doesn't rhyme with Shmayton Shmore. Here's why Royals fans hate this:

*Jacobs profiles as a quick decliner and is unlikely to hit another 32 HR in Kaufman Stadium (even though his old park is worse for power hitters according to KC Star stat guy Bradford Doolittle whose take here I agree with).

*Jacobs also had an absolutely atrocious .299 OBP last year. I'll admit, this is bad--really bad, like Steve Martin's Sgt. Bilko bad--but one way or another he's going to have an .800 OPS. Do you know how many regular Royals had an .800+ OPS last year? Two.

*The original deal had Carlos Rosa going to Florida. I think Royals fans got a little worked up on that one (understandable as Rosa is a better prospect) and decided they hated Mike Jacobs last week. Now that the deal is done and it's much more palatable--if not an outright steal--it's hard to go back to praising Jacobs, even on the poor guy's birthday.

Other reasons I like it:

*Leo Nunez, despite coming in first in gold chains, is the Royals fourth best reliever when he's healthy. That he's often not healthy only seals the deal. Odd that the Marlins supposedly past on Carlos Rosa for health reasons when Nunez seems as bad in this regard, doesn't have much projection left, is closer to arbitration, and is definitely not a starter while you can at least wish on Rosa.

*Mike Jacobs, with 32, HR hit 12 more home runs than any Royal did last season. That's not nothing.

*Ross Gload, the man Jacobs is hopefully relegating to permanent backup duty if not outright release, had an OPS+ 30 points lower than Jacobs, only hit 3 HR, and had an OBP of .317. Why are we supposed to be upset about this again? Ross Gload isn't right for the Royals. I'm sure he's a nice guy. I like to watch how everyone gives him breaks because he's white and then has to awkwardly chalk it up to his "grit." But Ross Gload has no place as anything other than a versatile 1B/OF backup on a contending team. If he's starting, your team is bad. We've learned this.

And that's really the rub here. For the moment I'm seeing this as the Royals upgrading the Ross Gload-Billy Butler 1B/DH combo with a Mike Jacobs-Billy Butler 1B/DH combo (with, god willing, Jacobs playing DH). Or maybe Billy starts the year in Omaha and gets called up when he's ready to take over first. Whatever the case may be, I don't think this trade necessitates a Butler trade or even makes one more likely (if they want to ship Butler out, they will regardless). Nor does it hold back Kila "Hawaiian Punch" Ka'aihue who needs more than the 30 some games he's had above AA before he's ready.

A lot of Royals fans see this as the Royals acquring another mediocre player with a lousy on base percentage, but the truth is that Jacobs would have been the Royals best hitter last year and while he doesn't play a position of defensive value, there's no denying that his one true skill--power--is desperately needed. He's clearly an upgrade over Gload and Shealy and, despite what some are saying, it's not easy to find a guy who hits 30+ home runs (just ask the Royals who haven't had one since...I don't know...Jermaine Dye in 2000?), let alone one who is under team control for another three years and only costs an exceedingly replaceable reliever.

Look, Jacobs clearly isn't Adam Dunn, but he's not a bad substitute at the value he presents. I'm of the opinion that while you'd obviously prefer a guy with a higher OBP, the fact that he doesn't have it isn't going to hurt the Royals as much as a team with a stable of power hitters behind him. Honestly, how many times are the Royals 6-7-8 (or 5-6-7) hitters going to string together enough hits to move the plodding Jacobs around the bases? Yeah, he'll make more than his share of outs, but so did Ross Gload only he brought nothing to the table. Shealy is a mirage (and a full year older than Jacobs). Kila isn't ready. And Butler needs some competition (because it's not as if he's proved anything). What's not to like here?

Well, possibly the next move. If Butler gets shipped out, I reserve the right to feel differently, but for right now I like the Royals lineup quite a bit more than I did this morning. If you feel differently, just repeat after me: Ross Gload played in 122 games last season. Ross Gload played in 122 games last season. Ross Gload played in 122 games last season.