Exhibit 11.20

5 Things I Learned From Extensive Olympics Watching

1. Don't talk shit to Michael Phelps. Even having the word 'shit' and 'Phelps' in the same sentence makes me afraid he's going to come down to my local pool and embarrass me in front of the other kids. I don't want to be made a fool of in front of the Swanson twins.

2. Water polo, despite having several characteristics of something that would be awesome, is boring. There, I said it. Sorry, Mile Smodlaka.

3. Jason Kidd has no business being on any team, let alone the national one. I audibly laughed when the announcer had to say, "Jason Kidd needs a breather, so here comes Chris Paul." Bold moves like that are why Coach K gets to be in AmEx commercials.

4. President Bush has a disturbingly close relationship with our women's beach volleyball team. That guy never ceases to amaze with his uncanny ability to show fevered interest in some things (women's beach volleyball, brush clearing) and no interest in other things (Vietnam, all other wars).

5. Foreigners hate Shawn Johnson. There, I said it. Sorry, Mile Smodlaka.

Exhibit 3.13

Not to interrupt my series of ill-conceived and poorly-edited 1,000+ word posts to make yet another reference to my quickly-fading health, but I have cold. These are the things I feel like we should be able to share with each other. Now you.

I also wanted to plan my week.

Today: Fortnightly football recap
Wednesday: Thoughts about and lines from Alaskaphrenia by Christine Hume
Thursday: Royals season review
Friday: Probably something about the new The Cupboard, probably something else

Also, in non-blog news, I think Heather and I are going to this reading tonight at NE Wesleyan. You should go too. But don't shake my hand no matter how many times I ask to shake yours. I will ask a lot.