Exhibit 1.6.2

So

I know I said I was making that James Baldwin quote my mantra, but I've thought it over and I'm now making this video that's popping up everywhere my mantra:

I really want a mantra, apparently, despite having no idea what one is. It's like a Mothra, right?

Seriously though, I think we all relate to this guy. And this mustache. And this lady. And this mirror. And this bed. And this director.

Exhibit 1.5.1

Weather

So apparently Houston is going to flood (again) and we're all going to die (again). This is too bad as flooding doesn't even rank on my list of terrible weather disasters I would hope to kill me. The list:

1. Tornado - Always chance it just transports me ala Zelda, Mario, and every other story about tornadoes.

2. Blizzard - Could have a cool story about how I got lost and walked in a huge circle when I thought I was going straight. Also, future people might discover my frozen corpse just outside a Casey's General Store and speculate about my living habits based on my sweatpants and Museum of Jurassic Technology t-shirt.

That's really pretty much it. It must be the Plains in me, but everything else just seems foreign and weird.

Hurricanes - Have eyes.
Floods - What did we do to god this time?
Mudslides - Applebee's drink.
Tsunami - Scary, but unlikely to come from the Platte River.
Earthquakes - Only exist in sitcoms where a pregnant character rides an elevator.
Wildfires - Actually, I can see dying in a wildfire. That's sort of Plains-y. Not grain silo explosion Plains-y but four wheeler accident Plains-y.

Exhibit 1.2.11

Basketball Stats

Thesis Defense vs. [I Have No Idea What Their Name Was and They Were Mostly Memorable for Being Incredibly Ethnically Diverse As if They Met While Filming a Public Service Announcement about Tolerance]

.2 meals eaten the day of the game
1 sub for our team
30+ minutes played because of this
30+ times I thought I might die
1000 times I shuffleran down the court like a wounded Shaq
0 times died
1 very self-conscious use of "Infinity" by a teammate
1 alley oop thrown to me (no, really. Sadly, the pass hit the rim)
1 shot made
5 teammates who spontaneously cheered when this happened
Mixed my feelings on making a shot but having it universally acknowledged to be such an accomplishment that it needed to be celebrated as if I'd just learned a very valuable lesson about tolerance


Thesis Defense is 3-0

Exhibit 21.1

I know, I know

I've neglected you during the move but I promise I'll do better soon. In the meantime, I'm focused on acquiring one (non-inflatable) piece of furniture, not dying in a fiery car accident, and reacquainting myself with the benefits of having a freezer. Here's how I'm doing:

Acquiring one (non-inflatable) piece of furniture - Great! Well, Great! as long as pillows count as furniture. If not, then Bad¡

Not dying in a fiery car accident - The secret so far is to put on one CD that I wouldn't mind having playing while dying in a fiery car accident. Somehow this prevents the fiery car accident from happening but I have no doubt if, say, I put on Saigon Kick's The Lizard, you'd all be reading about the gasoline-carrying semi that overturned on me. Today was Fear of Music. I welcome suggestions.

Reacquainting myself with the benefits of having a freezer - Great! Well, Great! as long as this French Vanilla Ice Cream and Hashbrowns sundae I'm eating out of a Tostinos Party Pizza cone counts. If not, then Delicious!

Exhibit 20.18

I Don't Know

There was already
one memorial
dock floating in the reservoir
but I appreciate
the gesture
of giving me mine
now that I've drowned
and hate those who've drowned
before me
like you
dock rival

Exhibit 19.23

Like most of the world, I'm mourning Michael Jackson's death by pretending it happened in 1992 while wearing my officially licensed Billie Jean^® baseball t-shirt for a period of no less than seven consecutive days, just like the Bible says.



And in case you doubt its authenticity, here you can clearly see the Official Michael Jackson Seal of Approval™.



Yes, this is a shirt I own. Yes, I only wear it for 1980s-theme parties. Yes, you may borrow it.

Oh, and of course I've also been watching YouTube videos all week.


Honestly, until this week the last time I thought about Michael Jackson was when Dave and I had a conversation in Chicago about his song "Liberian Girl." Apparently Dave used to think the song was called "Iberian Girl."

"Iberian girl/You came from Seville or/Lisbon..."

We thought this was very funny. I'm willing to admit we might have been wrong.