Exhibit 1.6.4

Instead of Posting My Entire Exam Essays

I'm posting the book I'm reading next. Because clearly putting this on Facebook wasn't enough.

I can't tell if I'm getting better at using Paint or worse as a person.

Let's say both.

Exhibit 16.9

So I want to get a new laptop. And by 'new' laptop I mean 'a' laptop. I've been using a desktop since I sold my first and only notebook computer after college because, in the days before WiFi, I never took it off my desk. I mean ever. Sam, my old college roommate, will vouch for this. I literally connected it to an external monitor and never moved it except for the times I spilled soda on it. This was a lot of times.

(Days before WiFi? After college? You may be asking yourself how old I am. Old. Way older than I have any right to be).

Now, the trouble is that I've always been a fairly loyal PC user. Not because I love PCs so much, I just sort of hate Macs. Now, hold on, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking Adam, I use a Mac. We've met each other. You know I use a Mac. Do you hate me?

If your name is Dave, the answer is sort of. Otherwise, no, I love you. Please don't be offended by anything I have said or will say. I know you're thinking this because everyone I know uses a Mac with the exception of two or three people who are, like me, irrationally committed in their opposition.

So naturally I'm now considering getting a Mac.

It all started when I realized that I believed my blind opposition to one company was somehow a noble and morally necessary struggle while other people's blind faith in the same company was crazy and dumb. This is also how I feel about my favorite band versus your favorite band. Oh, and religion. I think it's Apple's fault for forcing me into such dichotomies (it's certainly not mine). From their Mac Guy vs. PC Guy marketing campaign to their oh-so-very-careful-and-brilliant branding, they seem to be making decisions based on what will infuriate me.

I mean, I hate the Mac Guy and love the PC Guy. I don't want to be the Mac Guy. I want to be James Bond (who, as a fictional character, apparently endorses the Vaio I'm also considering). Now that's branding I can get behind. It's the same reason I own a Lotus Espirit that turns into a submarine.

I'm telling myself that I could buy a Mac, try it out, and sell it if I don't like it. Or I could buy one and then run Windows on it. Or I could buy one, get an iPhone which are also awesome, get Apple TV, put a sticker on my car, grow a goatee, hang out at the coffee shop, and live a happy life where I cede the troublesome business of having an identity to a company which is really good at picking music for their commercials.

See? See how hard it is to give up the fight? To realize there is no fight? No one I know who uses a Mac is that guy, they're all people who, among many other fine qualities, seem to be happy in their computer purchase. I'm the bad guy here.

The worst part is, every single person I know who has purchased a Mac loves it and will never go back. With anything else, this would convince me to give it a try, but then I got to Apple's website, look at their photos of Jack Johnson listeners, and get cold feet again.

Damn it. If the next time you see me I'm carrying a new Macbook, you have every right to hate me. Just know that you won't hate me more than I'll hate myself.

Help.

Exhibit 15.26

I know this is all kinds of horrible and colonialist, but I don't care. I want to adopt an elderly Bolivian:


The hats! The sicus! The fact that they only eat marshmallows!

Okay, so that last one probably isn't true, but they are adorable enough that I'm not ruling it out.

Fun Fact (according to Wikipedia [so let's just call it a Fun Educated Guess]): "The position of the hat can indicate a woman's marital status and aspirations."

That's brilliant. It turns out that we're the cute ones with our clumsy system of wedding rings and haircuts. If we're lucky, the Bolivians will adopt all of us. I, for one, can learn to live off marshmallows alone.

And by 'learn to' I mean 'continue to.'