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A Primer on the Rules of Cricket, Pt. 6
51. God's spilt tea--or "rain"--shall cause a cessation of play known as a nilly. Refreshments of no less than one banger a man shall be served until play resumes after consultation with the hygrometer. Should the field be of sufficient antiquity so as to lack a hygrometer, an expedition shall be undertaken to recover its treasure for the National Museum.
52. After consultation with the Worshipful Company of Cordwainers, all players shall relinquish their bootery and take up the plimsoll.
53. Players having bowlen with THE DEVIL'S HAND sacrifice to the Rector one MALE CHILD for each accursed throw with gibbleys awarded to the Godly team in the form of a reliquary brought by one FEMALE CHILD. Should the condemned player lack the children or the means of producing them before the hour of the hanging, street urchins shall be lured to the grounds with food until they are no longer required or the demonic team expires its muffins.
54. Per decree, the game shall henceforth be known as Pope's Chess.
55. Befallen by shipwreck, any able-bodied man washed ashore must set about constructing a pitch for the challengement of any cannibal natives who shall be given two score minutes for the memorization of these rules, formation of a team, and the preparation of adequate bangers to be served in event of a nilly. The winning seaman shall claim all land and monsters on behalf of the crown. The losing seaman shall no longer be welcomed at Diameter Society in the event he returns uneaten, having lost something even more valuable in his civility.
56. As there shall be no sunset there shall be no gloaming and any player, official, or groundling who remarks upon it shall have the choice between forfeiting their wit or eyes.
57. In the event of each team ending week one with an equivalent number of quinces and gibbleys, the tie shall be broken by means of a knightly tournament proceeding in the North Newcloferwich manner, i.e. archery to melee.
58. Wesley, having proven himself a thorough woncer, shall no longer be allowed to play.
59. All beverages shall be served at a temperature of no less than four marks above a June Tuesday and failure to do so will result in the home team's use of Swede's Balls--or "ice"--with all subsequent dampening of their choler or other relevant humors a fair punishment.
60. Should a femalelady be discovered in the colors of a maleman, play shall cease and a council be convened in Ghent, of which any player is welcome to take part should they be able to procure passage and have grey in their beards. The remaining shall make CAMP on though grounds though not embark on any industry, taking meals from the charity of locals who will be expected to remain spectators until such time as the return of the Greybeards who shall by then have formed their own team to compete against the witch. Should they prevail, they have claim to challenge the Crown upon conclusion of the prior game.
