Exhibit 20.2

There are several things wrong with this story:

Area tubers go missing, recovered safe and sound
Area diveteams were summoned to Paxton to help search for missing tubers on the South Platte River...

Eventually, all the missing water-leisure enthusiasts were recovered alive, but in the process one member of the search party had gone missing...

a search plane was dispatched to the area. By 8:35 p.m. all parties were accounted for and no one was hurt.
1) The South Platte River is slightly slower than a baby taking her first steps across a room. The only way to get "lost" on the Platte River is to not realize which direction it flows and end up wading to Denver.

2) The South Platte River is approximately 8-inches deep. These Paxton-area "dive teams" most likely consisted of children plucked from their front yard inflatable pool who were unfortunate enough to be the only ones in town with snorkels on.

3) Tubing the South Platte River does not make one a "water-leisure enthusiast." No, it makes one a sunburn victim, an alcoholic, and a person about to have dinner next to a stuffed polar bear at Ole's Big Game Bar, but it doesn't not make you a water-leisure enthusiast.

4) I will not have the reputation of the Paxton Search and Rescue team besmirched by someone who's never been on the front line. Until you walk that flat, tree-less prairie in their boots, you have no idea how hard it is to locate whichever one of the town's 614 residents have wandered off. He could have laid down to take a nap and then how do you see him in that knee high grass?

5) Plane, that's how. They laughed when Keith County got its own Air Force, but now they're showing the world what a plane with a 68 county license plate nailed to it can do. Sure, today it's saving water-leisure enthusiasts and their keepers, but tomorrow it's flying over Paxton Tigers football games and buzzing the Deuel County Coast Guard's Destroyers.


Jaclyn said...

As I read this story the other day, I was thinking something strangely similar. Thank you for expressing it in a more funny way than I ever could.

A. Peterson said...

Jaclyn, the only thing funny here is that you and I still read the North Platte Bulletin.

Sarah405 said...

My first thought was of a Nebraskan turnip or potato thief...how else would a tuber go missing? I was very concerned.