Exhibit 9.13

Stock Photography Review

In honor of local primary election day--America's favorite non-holiday!--I figured it was time for a brief stock photography review of patriotic images.

Linking your company, self, or jazz fusion band to blind patriotic rage is one of the safest ways to reach customers while assuring you won't attract the anger of Bill O'Reilly. There are a lot of different angles you can go with though to ensure you're attracting the right demographic of Americans.

Average

Yep, that's pretty much what we look like. I think I even own that haircut.

Gun Toting


This photo really captures the toting.

It's perfect if your business is a private security company or a funeral home. See, this guy--let's say he's a bit of a maverick but likes to dress casual--will do anything to protect that mournful, sun-drenched symbol of glory behind him. Why? Hard to say, though presumably he's vehemently against Puerto Rican statehood. Anyone wanting to add a 51st star is going to need an even bigger gun (and a needle, thread, and cloth star).

The best thing about this photo is that if you Photoshop out the uzi it's pretty much a Ralph Lauren ad.

Post Traumatic


A quickly growing market!

The fact that there is a series of stock photos for this is horribly depressing. Use only if your company sells shame and horror.

Let's go out on a positive note with a non-disillusioned soldier in a poorly conceived uniform:

Ah, there we go.

I don't know what I like more, that this photographer's idea of a uniform consisted of a khaki shirt fully buttoned or that this might actually be what three-star generals wear on the weekend.

Fake uniform or not, the guy with the uzi is going to be pissed when he finds out this joker stole his flag while he was out buying white t-shirts at the GAP.

America!

Exhibit 6.9

Weekend Face Off

Thursday

Kansas w/ The Lincoln Symphony Orchestra

Pershing Center

8pm

vs.

Man's Last Great Invention, Thunder Power!, & I, Colossus

Box Awesome

9pm

Verdict: Kansas's promotional photo is tempting and according to my calculations they feature ∞% more eye patch than the Box Awesome bands. In addition, there are untold number of eye patches in the orchestra. Plus, who knows how great "Point of Know Return" would sound with an orchestra. According to my calculations it would be ∞% greater.

Ultimately, the Box Awesome show wins. What it lacks in eye patches, it more than makes up for with heart and grit.

Friday

Cloverfield

a theater near you

9pm or so

vs.

Eagle*Seagull, Coyote Bones, Baby Walrus, & Fourth of July

Box Awesome

9pm

Verdict: I have no idea what Cloverfield is about despite having seen approximately 100 promos for it while streaming episodes of 30 Rock last night. Apparently there's a monster? His name is possibly Cloverfield? A little bit of Internet research leads me to believe this monster is bigger than most other movie monsters. Also, someone in the trailer keeps saying People are going to want to know what happened. Um, kid, I think when the rest of the country goes to visit Manhattan and we see a lot of giant monster prints and torsos we'll probably figure most of it out.

You know what else is bigger than most other monsters? Eagle*Seagull. Box Awesome wins again.

Saturday

Claire Becker, Lily Brown, & Steve Langan at the Clean Part Reading Series

Sheldon Memorial Art Gallery

7pm

vs.

St. Elmo's Fire

Lifetime Movie Network

7pm

Verdict: St. Elmo's Fire does have a lot going for itself: beautiful actors and actresses, some really talented people, and Emilio Estevez.

But look at how the The Clean Part dominates. Fantastic poetry? Check. Pie giveaways? Check. Ally Sheedy? No. Commercial-free? Check.

Three out of four isn't bad. The winner is...attending The Clean Part while renting St. Elmo's Fire on the way home if you've loaned out your DVD copy.