Exhibit 1.3.16

Things That Confuse Me about the Paperboy Universe



(This is about the Nintendo video game Paperboy not, like, the real paperboy universe which features fewer tornadoes yet considerably more angry dogs. You can play the game here if you're not familiar).

* The audience for the obstacle course. Note: not the obstacle course itself which, somehow, I can fit into my conception of the world. No, it's the people who rise at 5:30 a.m. to sit in bleachers and cheer the rare paperboy who completes his route that make me question the verisimilitude of this game. Too far, I say.

* The newspaper's coverage of its own paperboy hirings and firings. I mean, I can see something in the Community section, but front page? Day after day? When there's breakdancing in the streets and Death roams the city?

* The house painting. I mean, I get deciding to unsubscribe from the local paper is a big decision, but it's not the War of the Roses, here. A good paperboy can avoid throwing papers to yellow houses just as easily as red ones. It's, like, days two through three of the training.

* Housewives chasing paperboys with rollingpins. What is it about the paperboy that turns everyone into this city into Mrs. Capp? And these are subscribers, too. The unsubscribers don't really seem to give a damn, even as you're breaking their windows. Of course, they might get cut down like a bunch of dirty Lancasters, so they probably just don't leave their houses at all.

* The tombstones in the front yards. It just sends a bad message to the breakdancers.

Exhibit 23.2

Things That Let Me Know This Is a Seminar Paper

1. A Colon in the Title
Seminar Papers: Things That Let Me Know This Is One

2. Unnecessary Parenthesis in the Title
Seminar Papers: Things That Let Me K(no)w This is (On)e

3. Ironic Quotation Marks in the Title
"Seminar" Papers: Things That Let Me K(no)w This Is (On)e

4. Vaguely Feminist Misspellings in the Title
"SeMENar" Papers: Things That Let Me K(no)w This Is (On)e

5. Unnecessary Word Inversion in the Title
Let (On)e K(no)w This: "SeMENar" Things That Papers Me


Now I just need to hit print and turn it in.