Exhibit 25.22

Billboard

I forgot to mention that my favorite billboard on the interstate was one for HaysHasJobs.com, a sort of desperate plea for people to move to Hays, Kansas. It's as if they fear the Cheyenne have been waiting for the population to dwindle before storming the old fort outside visiting hours. It's as if the Hays City Council gets their marketing ideas from Sarah, Plain and Tall. I love my old town as much as the next former resident, but I'm not sure if one billboard right over the Kansas border is going to turn the tide on this one.

Also not helping is the rotation of images in the top banner which are either supposed to illustrate jobs (dirt track minicar driver, sunflower) or local entertainment (lightning, hallways). Most confusing though is this one which seems to offer both:


Plenty of openings for posse members, apparently. As I had 15 minutes to spend getting that screen capture, I should probably think about applying for something, something like Part-Time Combat Lifesaving Instructor.

Exhibit 15.27

A man I jokingly considered my arch nemesis...

A man who has his own tag on this blog...

A man whose story was my favorite thing I read in my first fiction class...

A man whose worst novels were the only ones stocked at the Hays Public Library and whose best novels I hate on a level that must indicate some kind of success...

A man who outlived his main character by nearly 20 years...

A man who looks best in caricature...



John Updike, dead at 76.

Exhibit 14.12

Someone just called me from a number I didn't recognize and since I was online reading about Canada anyway, I figured I'd go ahead and look it up before answering. Don't worry, I don't do this when you call. Unless I'm related to you in which case yes, I do do this when you call.

Anyway, the number apparently belong(s/ed) to a dance studio in Georgia. They didn't leave a message, so I can only assume they called for one of the following reasons:

1. They just heard about my performance at the 2000 Hays High School Junior Prom and want to see if I can teach their students how to pretend to drink out of an empty punch cup while looking like they're too into Green Day's "Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)" to talk to anyone

2. They now own my student loans and are way more interested in getting me to pay them back than the last owner (which I think was a donut chain)

3. My phone number is one digit off from Baryshnikov's and they misdialed

4. My phone number is one digit off from Baryshnikov's and they dialed correctly. However, I accidentally switched phones with Baryshnikov when I stopped at the gas station to get this Salted Nut Roll I'm eating (this would, actually, explain the calls from JoAnne Akalaitis)

5. They were calling for the dog

Exhibit 11.19

This video makes me very sad.

I actually saw the link to this story as "Kansas College Debate Coach Moons Judge." I immediately knew who it was. Jeff, if you haven't seen it, I bet you can guess who it is too. It's now getting a bit of national attention since it's A) Completely Hilarious and B) Completely Insane.

Bill Shanahan's wife was my (much beloved) high school debate coach, and she's in the video following her husband around and trying to calm him down as he jumps up and down swearing and, at one point, "mooning" the judge (does it count as mooning if only underwear is shown? I don't know who decides these things). In his defense, the other judge seems to have instigated the argument after the FHSU debate team asked for her score to be struck (they didn't think she judged them fairly in earlier debates, apparently). She seemed to think it was because of her race. Bill seemed to think it would be a good idea to pick this fight. Someone seemed to think it was a good idea to put this on YouTube.

So one person was right, at least.

Bill Shanahan is a generous and nice (though eccentric) guy 99% of the time and out of control for that other 1%. I feel bad for him and Kim, and hope this doesn't cost him his job since he's a phenomenal debate coach and a remarkable asset for an otherwise mundane town like Hays. Obviously he has a problem with anger (and--in my humble opinion--hair length) but it would be a shame to lose him.

If you're into theory, you'd really love Bill as he's the innovator of an argument called a "Kritik." The wikipedia article is fascinating.