Exhibit 25.26

Things I Learned on My 20-hour Drive

* By the time you cross the Missouri River for the third time in a state, it's a little played out.

* At Indiana's border, their signs say "Boyhood home of Abraham Lincoln." This when coming from Illinois. I don't want to start a border war here, but someone should tell Indiana to let this one go. Unfortunately, they can't because:

* Indiana is the worst state.

* Do not underestimate the demand for hotels around Niagara Falls in the summer. I, uh, did. At least now I get to say I've seen Rochester. Also, I saw a smoking room with two queen beds and twenty minutes of a 2:30am showing of Funny People on HBO.

* There is a U-Haul trailer that says Lincoln, Nebraska, and has a picture of local legend...Raggedy Andy. I have no idea what the connection is here. I don't think there is one. Clearly no one from U-Haul's massive design department has ever been to Nebraska.

* Apparently, one of the country's largest R.V. dealer's last name is Raper. I wouldn't make fun of it except that he also used about every third billboard to put up a religious message with his name--still Raper--plastered all over it. Naturally, he's from Indiana.

* I still won't make fun of it, but I also won't tell him that he should add an 'i' to his name because being Thomas Rapier would be sweet.

* The Canadian chain Tim Horton's is slowly taking over the Midwest and no one seems to care. It's like Red Dawn only...no, wait, it's exactly like Red Dawn.

* I spent the better part of Ohio wondering what the Nebraska state quarter would look like if designed by U-Haul. My best guess? Scarlett O'Hara eating pudding with otters. One of the otters would be saying, "Mahogany" and holding an eggplant.

* Say what you will about it, but New York knows how to do a tollway service area right. In Kansas, they all have a McDonald's and a gas station. The one I stopped at in New York had two different ice cream parlors and an ice cream vending machine. It seemed excessive, but some lucky little boy on his way to Utica probably disagrees.

* Radio soccer is...well...imprecise. I'm going to chock this one up to having an American announcer, but it wasn't uncommon to hear sentences like, "Americans at midfield, Donovan, what's this, O my, Ghana scores!"

* I liked it when the guy would just yell, "Pass!" It was both the right thing to yell and completely unhelpful. Like if you were pregnant and someone asked what you were having and you just yelled, "Baby! Baby!" at them and then read a commercial for Home Depot.

* Is it like that? I don't know.


jimStock said...

That's the only quarter I need to finish my map! Well, that and the Kansas one with the simple engraved line, "HayshasJobs.com"

julee said...

I agree with you about Indiana. It gets worse once you realize how many creative writing professor jobs are there.

Ryan said...

Dammit Adam,
How dare you insult our new Big 10 bretheren? You couldn't at least wait until we beat the hell out of Indiana and Purdue?