Exhibit 22.20

The Post Where I Paste Things from Twilight Wikipedia Pages

* "In the months that follow, Bella learns thrill-seeking activities, such as motorcycle riding..."

* "Meanwhile, a series of miscommunications leads Edward to believe that Bella has killed herself."

* "The story opens with the revelation that Seattle, Washington is being plagued by a string of unsolved murders, which Edward suspects is caused by a new vampire that is unable to control its thirst for human blood. As Edward and Bella apply to colleges..."

* "Bella explains to Jacob that while she loves him, her love for Edward is greater. After receiving a wedding invitation from Edward, Jacob runs away in his wolf form to escape his pain..."

* "Edward, concerned for Bella's life and convinced that the fetus is a monster as it continues to develop with unnatural rapidity, urges her to have an abortion. However, Bella feels a pull towards the child and refuses to go through with the procedure."

* "Jacob, who was present for the birth, almost immediately 'imprints'—an involuntary response in which a werewolf finds his soul mate—on Edward and Bella's newborn daughter, Renesmee."

I needed to read all of that for my teaching. Well, not all of it. I'm just, you know, dedicated.

Seriously though, I had no idea those books were about an centenarian who picks up a 14-year-old, gets her pregnant, then urges her to "take in an Astros game." I would say the girl should have chosen the other guy, but the other guy somehow tops that by claiming her demon baby as his bride the minute it's born. So, um, I don't know, maybe she should try online dating. There must be some normal dude who likes motorcycles out there.

I have thought about this too much. I might need a new hobby. Or to be a worse teacher. Yeah, I'll go with that one.


Dusty said...

I must have missed that earlier post. I think "take in an Astros game" is my new favorite euphemism, having trumped "going to clown school."

Anonymous said...


The captions are priceless.