Exhibit 14.14

Post-Thanksgiving Thoughts

I really meant to post something over the long weekend but instead I got sucked into killing time in other, less common ways like avoiding the repeatedly proffered horseradish-cranberry dressing and awkwardly handling what I'm told is "my" shotgun. The aftermath:

*November was my least bloggy month since...last November. The lesson here is that I'm easily distracted by holidays I don't enjoy. Keep this in mind when you check for posts during National Radon Action Month.

*During an extended period of Friday malaise brought about by a bad writing day, I found myself watching television and caught four minutes of what I assume is the worst movie ever made (even the title is awesomely bad, not to mention the tagline).

Here's the story: I was flipping channels and caught Delroy Lindo. Turns out, I stop flipping channels for Delroy Lindo. I actually enjoy knowing this about myself.

Anyway, I then saw Kirstie Alley who appears to be playing a mentally challenged person. I could tell because she's slurring her words, talking in a high voice, and generally acting like she was ten. Let me save you the time looking this up: no, she did not win an Oscar. I was captivated by this performance like it was a train wreck on the deck of the Titanic which just hit the Hindenburg--give me a second to run a hyperbole check....nope, that's about right--but then it got even worse/better because she started badgering a reluctant Delroy Lindo to propose to her.

Now, I'd been watching about thirty seconds of this movie so I had no grounding for what was happening, but I was convinced that Delroy Lindo's character was flustered because he wasn't mentally challenged and was just trying to find a nice way to say no. When he finally proposes, he looks like he's just been given a death sentence (which I assume is what Kirstie Alley's career was given after this performance! Snark!). So I turn off the TV and assume that our man Delroy is about to go buy some candy rings and find a janitor to pull off some kind of fake wedding when I look up the movie on IMDb and find out that they were both supposed to be mentally challenged.

Frankly, I like this even more because it means Delroy Lindo and Kirstie Alley had to have this conversation on the first day of shooting:

Delroy: Oh, are you going to do it like that?
Kirstie: Yes. How are you going to do it?
Delroy: Um, I'm going to do it a different way.
Kirstie: Different how?
Delroy: I don't know, I was thinking dignified.
Kirstie: Youz gotz to get down on you kneeses to propos!

*As you can tell, it was a very memorable four minutes of watching the Lifetime Movie Network for me.

*James has me rethinking wearing ringer t-shirts. So there's that. It was great to see him again, but I'm not sure he and his fiance had to deconstruct my carefully thought out "Guy who wears ringer t-shirts" persona so quickly. Or maybe they did.

*Also good to see: my cousin Chris (who has gotten bigger), Tyrone and Julee (who are the same great sizes), and my beloved grandmas (who are possibly smaller but still big in heart).

*The Dolphins now control their own playoff destiny, but it would mean winning two tough divisional road games. I would put their chances somewhere close to the odds that I finish The World According to Garp by the time the company book club meets.

*Oh, and I no longer have a brother. I can handle the turkey hunting, I can handle you not picking me up for Thanksgiving, but I draw the line at costing me 1st place.

*You're getting close to crossing the line, too, Kaitlin, Dad, Brett, Dan Marino, Justin, weather, upstairs neighbor, and Jeff Tweedy.


Mathias Svalina said...

Is Kirstie Alley the reason you no longer have a brother?

elisabeth said...

Have you seen "Riding the Bus with My Sister?" It's where Rosie O'Donnell plays a woman with Down's Syndrome. Memorable line #1: "We need toilet seat assistance in Row Number One!" Memorable line #2: "Want me to scare you? BOO BOO BOO!"