Exhibit 14.8

Lincoln is the healthiest city in America according to this report which was presumably done in order to prop up the struggling soft news sector. Basically, more people in Lincoln said their health was good (or better) than any other city in America, something that might say more about our wholesome, Midwestern sense of propriety than anything else.

You: How's your health?
Lincoln: Good!
You: How's your unquestioned loyalty to conservatives working?
Lincoln: Good!
You: Wie ist Ihr Deutscher?
Lincoln: Gut!
You: How would you describe those mafioso fellas?
Lincoln: Goodfellas!
You: What's that Keenan and Kel movie you love called?
Lincoln: Good Burger!
You: Pretend you're praising a dog.
Lincoln: Good boy!
You: This grows tiresome.
Lincoln: Goodnight!
You: Where can I drop off my unruly 17-year-old?
Lincoln: Anywhere!

Ah, I worked so hard for that one safe haven joke. Sigh.

Actually, the only reason I even mention the report is because it also contains the first definitive evidence that everyone in Huntington, West Virginia, is a whiny malcontent (a fact we've all suspected). Only 68% of their residents said their health was good to which 100% of Americans said, "Oh, let me play you a song on the world's tiniest violin, you dying wussies."

15% of Americans also said, "Love it or leave it." though they would have said this to anything.

1 comment:

elisabeth said...

best safe haven joke yet.