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Things I Consumed While Driving Review
Wendy's - [The] Baconator
I never eat at Wendy's so I panicked when ordering and ended up with something called either "Baconator" or "The Baconator." I'm more than willing to eat, watch, hug, or run from anything that risks the "-nator" suffix, however, so it all worked out. The actual sandwich seems to be a hamburger with Swiss cheese, bacon, and a sauce that tastes like those hot Cheetos you might have had once but didn't really enjoy. I spent most of the twenty minutes after ordering it trying to take it apart while driving to determine all of the key components. Had it tasted a little more like Andy Capp's Hot Fries and less like Cheetos, I might have had more than two bites.
Bosselman's Truck Plaza - French Vanilla Cappuccino
If you've never had a "cappuccino" at a gas station, you're basically missing out on one of those machines that spews scalding foam at irregular intervals and then asks you to properly determine when to stop the machine since it apparently takes a few seconds to calculate the algorithm which shuts it all down. This has always confused me, but over the years I've gotten pretty good at knowing exactly when to take my finger off the button. I really nailed it on this drive, too, and gave the cashier who'd been watching me a nod that basically said That's right, unlike most suckers you see here in Wood River, Nebraska, I don't even need to push the button again to top it off. He didn't seem too impressed with my achievement. Of course, he only had one ear so he's probably seen a great many incredible things in his life. Still, I really wish we could have shared that moment.
As far as the actual drink: Delicious. It tastes nothing like coffee or milk or French or Vanilla, but it does tastes like what might happen if you melted down the marshmallows from Count Chocula and distributed the liquid by a high-stakes game of skill.
Elk's Club (Cozad, Nebraska) - Cheeseburger
This was the only place open in a 15 mile radius when I stopped to have dinner with my grandmother and even they only had hamburgers. It was delicious and the service was quick because, according to the waitress, we missed the 5:00pm dinner rush.
Creepy Gas Station (Julesburg, Colorado) - Water
Modern gas station technology has yet to hit Julesburg which is fine except for when it leads to multiple awkward encounters with the same friendly (but insane) attendant. We had a good talk in several parts as I prepaid, got a bathroom key, and bought my water. It's a shame their coffee technology stopped at a few loose frappuccinos rolling around on the cooler floor, because this guy would have had a lot to say about my cappuccino-machine skills.
3.11.2008
Exhibit 7.19
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6 comments:
As I have several family members who live and work in the greater Ovid-Julesburg metropolitan area, I can safely say, you may have stopped at the gas station that reportedly, "pays local youth to help eradicate its growing feral cat population". So yes, the dispensing of powdered 'city drinks' lays low on the totem.
Unless you're at Stuckey's. And its a Stuckey's pecan roll. And its 1987.
How was the Irish Studies Room?
J- A chapter of my life ended the day the Stuckey's in Brady closed. A sad chapter.
M- The Irish Studies Room was great except for the fact that the British Studies Room had annexed part of it. No one would have cared except that's where the shrimp cocktail was.
Now I know why you always hug the Brettinator.
I feel like I am abundantly qualified to comment here, given my propensity for road trips, eating in Central Nebraska, and general knowledge of this stretch of blacktop.
1. It simply cannot be forgiven that you chose the Baconator (do we need to remind Wendy's marketing folks that the Rob Schneider copy machine man bit came out around 1990, and wasn't that funny then?) given the return of DoubleStacks to the Wendy's repertoire.
2. I question whether that Bosselman's in Wood River is actually related to the Bosselman's family of gas stations. I keep expecting to see 'Boosleman's' or 'Bosslemann's' if I examine the sign closely. That place is basically the Frank Stallone of truck stops.
3. I learned a long time ago that no matter how cruel and unforgiving the stretch of road is after Big Springs, NE and Fort Morgan, CO, never stop in Julesburg under any circumstances. Twas ever a place along I76 where more scurviness lurks, 'tis never been seen by the likes of me (pirate voice).
4. There are never more than 10 people in the Cozad Elks club at one time anymore, despite what the waitress says.
4.
Man, I always fuck up that cappuccino machine timing. Probably because I order them about two times a year, but still.
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