Exhibit 16.4

Candy Bar Review: Pearson's Limited Edition Chocolate Nut Roll

It's been nearly 18 months since my last candy bar review which, appropriately, was of the non-chocolate covered nut roll. Clearly I am not doing enough to keep my finger on the nougaty pulse of candy bars, but the truth is that ever since my co-worker's daughters completed their 3-year Israeli Army Camp fundraising project, I haven't really had easy access to an affordable basket of candy bars.

Also, I decided the best candy bar was Hershey's 5th Avenue. There really wasn't any point in feigning an interest in candy bar criticism after tasting the winner. It'd be like continuing to hold the spelling bee after the kid with glasses enters. Sometimes you have to move on.

(Incidentally, one of my best and worst moments of the last 18 months was the night I was watching the Food Network at 2 a.m. and an episode of Unwrapped came on that showed how they make 5th Avenue bars. I was so happy I think I actually clapped when I saw it. Then of course I desperately wanted a 5th Avenue and was sad. I think I ended up settling for a can of mysterious mandarin oranges someone left at my house washed down with a long conversation with myself about getting my life together.

It now occurs to me you might have a more fulfilling personal life than I do and so are unfamiliar with Unwrapped. Basically, it's a show that glorifies that chemicals and machinery that make our favorite "foods." It's totally awesome. My favorite part is that they do these talking head interviews with people credited only as "[product name] Expert" even though they clearly work for the company being talked about as they always are A) using "we" as a pronoun, B) wearing clothes with the companies logo, and C) a little too knowledgeable about how many Hot Tamales are made in an hour.

I'd like to think host [and Ironic OCD sufferer] Marc Summers demands this so as maintain the maximum amount of objectivity. Or maybe they have an ombudsman).

So you can imagine my excitement when I went down to the first floor vending machines for a soda and noticed the white package of the Pearson's Limited Edition Chocolate Nut Roll.

What is this? I said to a woman buying a diet Pepsi.

Who, me? she said.

This white nut roll in the vending machine, I said, pointing.

What? she said.

I've never seen one of those before, I said, still sort of pointing.

Do you work here? she said.

Look, lady, don't ruin this for me, I said, my pointing finger having now enlisted my thumb to make a shape like I gun which I then pointed at the lady who was ruining it for me.

Okay, none of that happened. But I was excited. Very excited. Maybe I just live a sheltered life consisting of the Food Network and Marc Summers-related research projects, but I have never seen a chocolate-covered nut roll before. I'm not sure anyone else has either. There aren't any pictures of it online except for one tiny one on the Pearson's website (by the way, they're not hiring).

I'd like to think this review is going to be the definitive word on the subject.

But before I get to that, I'd like to say that I initially found it shocking that the bar contained 22% of my daily fat allowance. That seemed a little high until I saw that I also got 2% of my calcium (presumably from the cow teeth the white center is made out of) and decided it was a fair trade off. I will lower the amount of milk I put on tonight's Frosted Mini Wheats accordingly.

So how is the Pearson's Limited Edition Chocolate Nut Roll?

It's okay.


carlinthemarlin said...

The vending machine at my job does not carry these, and I need to try one. Adam, if I give you a dollar, will you buy me one? I'm being completely serious here. The Pearson's nut bar is my favorite candy bar by many, many miles.

jimStock said...

The beauty of the nut roll is in its simplistic deliciousness; salt, peanuts, and blow. Does Jenna Jameson need to be covered in oil? Probably just unnecessary messiness.

jimStock said...

What I would like to see is a head to head Pearson's v. Payday.