Exhibit 2.27

I'm really, really going to miss Ernie Chambers. I don't agree with him on everything--Omaha's racially-segregated public school plan is the most recent example--but it's hard to imagine what will become of this state without him. As one man, he has through sheer force of will made a backward and donothing unicameral devoid of any leadership (or diversity) confront issues of poverty, minority and woman's rights, and an unbalanced criminal justice system.

He's not always right. He doesn't always win. But it's hard to imagine anyone filling his shoes when some dude from Alma who got $500 from the NRA proposes a constitutional amendment guaranteeing the right to hunt illegal immigrants or whatever. Anyone in Nebraska should start bracing themselves now for South Dakota-esque attempts to ban abortion. Oh, and forget about abolishing the death penalty (Chambers's signature issue). Sigh.

He's out of office after 2008 due to term limits (which, by the way, were passed solely to get him out of office). Here's hoping he follows through on his threat to have a patsy win his seat and then step down so Ernie can run for it again.

Anyway, he's going to be getting a lot of press due to this. Let's see if we can guess some of The Tonight Show's jokes hours before they hit the air! A Nebraska State Senator is suing God....

• God is challenging the lawsuit on the grounds that he's never been to Nebraska.
• I guess he really wanted (American Idol contestant) to beat (American Idol contestant).
• True story, true story. Unfortunately, there aren't any lawyers in heaven. (exaggerated laugh)
• When reached for comment, God said, Who's Ernie Chambers? (ed note: this one I think is actually funny. Which is why it won't air. I imagine. I can't say I've actually seen The Tonight Show in seven or eight years).
• Thankfully for God, George Bush has already pardoned him. (ed note: this is my favorite kind of hack comedy joke, one that bends reality or willfully misunderstands it for the sake of the punchline).
• Seriously, folks, stay tuned for George Lopez.

Watch for it.

Exhibit 1.26

Candy Bar Review: Pearson's Salted Nut Roll





I don't really want to review candy bars. Or anything for that matter, but at this point I feel like I need the warm hug of criticism to prevent myself from realizing I am essentially writing something that might better be called Candy Bar Musings. Pretending that I am doing the arduous work of the critic prevents me from realizing that I am slowing turning into a character from Cathy.

But I am happy to be writing about this particular candy bar, a classic that has been newly added to the Johnston Girls Memorial Candy Bar Basket (who, in case you are curious, are either still seeking expensive medical treatment or raising funds for a Girl Scout camp, it's unclear). The Pearson's Salted Nut Roll is a staple of my childhood, but it's all somewhat ephemeral as I can't really connect it to any one person or place. I vaguely remember my grandfather liking them, though I can't be sure if I'm not just confusing what is the candy bar's inherent grandfatherly nature with my grandfather's inherent grandfatherly nature.

It's a simply executed concept with only three elements: salted peanuts, caramel, and a white substance that could be anything but is most likely some kind of glue stick. Despite it's depression-era simplicity, the Salted Nut Roll is a pretty great snack.

Oh, and according to its wrapper, it's a good source of protein (and presumably salt and bone meal).