Exhibit 14.21

Problems with Winter 1-3

1. I am pretty sure I'm not the correct temperature. My arms are warm, my toes are cold, and the inside of my head--about where I imagine my elementary school memories are--is on fire. I've already forgotten about that time we went on vacation and that other time a bad thing happened to a kid I knew. Also, I think my fourth grade teacher smelled like spent matches, but maybe that's just my memory turning to kindling.

2. My ice scraper was felled by this morning's lake-like sheet of ice on my windshield. This problem is much more solvable than #1 which is too bad as #1 seems to indicate something unsettling about my physical and/or mental health.

3. My apartment is 58 degrees. This is unsolvable but goes a long way to contribute to #1 and has no impact on #2. I actually don't mind this so much as it allows me to wear the sweatpants I've had since that time in the fifth grade when everyone was horribly burned.

Exhibit 5.3

Notes:

*It was Thanksgiving. You probably realized this.

*Bill Callahan was fired. No, not the guy from Smog.

*Heather might guest blog on Thursday or Friday to share her experiences in the criminal justice system. She's going to be a witness in a case against a guy who's defending himself. Hilarity will, presumably, ensue.

*I learned how to play backgammon and am willing to take on any challengers. I haven't yet used the doubling cube or won with so much as a gammon, but I do know a lot of the lingo. Also, bear off.

*Might go see No Country for Old Men tonight. You're welcome to come. I haven't been this excited about a movie for awhile.

*You also should come over tomorrow night for the Dolphins versus the Steelers on Monday Night Football. If I were an ESPN promo I'd say something like, "Can the floundering Phins steal a win when they visit Pittsburgh?" We should all be glad I'm not an ESPN promo.

*My top candidates to replace Bill Callahan are mostly fictional characters except for Sgt. Slaughter and Bruce Springsteen.

*We've winterized the apartment with plastic wrap over all of the windows and now it's like living in quarantine. You'll laugh until the plague comes. Then we'll see whose laughing.

*I went to a new dentist where they have LCD screens above all of the chairs which let you watch TV or a movie or whatever. They even told me I could bring in a DVD to watch during the exam if I wanted. What would be the worst movie you could bring in (both in terms of general creepiness and in the reaction it would get from the dental staff)? My list:

• •Bringing in your own home movies on DVD. Well, I suppose bringing in the dentist's home movies would be worse, but this would be pretty bad. Especially if there was an obnoxious song that played on a loop over them. I'm imagining "Big Girls Don't Cry" over a 45-minute video from a daughter's 5th birthday party.

• •Corbin Bernsen in The Dentist II which was an HBO classic from my childhood. Basically, in the first one he finds his wife cheating on him and then takes it out on his patients. In the second one, he's escaped from a mental institution, set up another practice, met a girl, and...the exact same thing happens. God, I love Corbin Bernsen. Anyway, watching it at the dentists' office would be a little bit like watching Leprechaun with happy-go-lucky leprechauns or Dead Ringers at the gynecologist.

• •Speaking of which, Dead Ringers. That's creepy anywhere. In fact, any David Cronenberg movie could probably be on this list. Miike, too.

• •Space Jam. Here's my thinking: It's not as if it's a classic and to be an adult who, on their own accord and out of all the world's movies, brings Space Jam into a dentist office would be profoundly weird. If you still don't believe me, imagine bringing it in on VHS and then acting deeply disappointed when they say the office only has DVD players. If you were a dental hygienist, how would you feel about conducting that exam?

There are probably better ones.