1.08.2009

Exhibit 15.10

5 Things I Cannot Make My Netflix Recommendation Robot Believe

1. I do not want to see a movie called Tokyo Gore Police - This actually becomes less true every time I say, think, or write Tokyo Gore Police. When you get right down to it, I might actually want to see a movie called Tokyo Gore Police. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that the real problem here is that I'm embarrassed my Netflix Recommendation Robot knows I desperately want to see a movie called Tokyo Gore Police.

2. I do not live in Lincoln, Nebraska - I'm torn between avoiding the Local Favorites section and actually, you know, having my movies mailed to where I live. Is it worth it to change my address to something imaginary in Brooklyn if it means I don't get to actually watch the more interesting movies being recommended to me? Probably. You think I'm joking but here are the current Local Favorites:


  • The Jeff Dunham Very Special Christmas Special - Basically, blue collar comedy done by a ventriloquist with stereotypical dummies like a redneck and a dead terrorist. No, I don't know how or why I know this.

    Dreamer: Inspired by a True Story - Something about Dakota Fanning and horses. Inspirational. Presumably someone has cancer. I really hope it's not the horse.

    Though None Go With Me - I'd never heard of this one so I'll let Netflix's description speak for itself, "Based on the acclaimed book by Jerry Jenkins, this Hallmark Channel family drama stars Cheryl Ladd as Elizabeth Leroy Bishop, a dedicated Christian who devotes herself to serving God. Spanning 50 years, the film highlights the unwavering faith of Elizabeth, who endures heartbreaking loss and tragedy while on her spiritual journey, ultimately learning that her piety has transformed others."

    Facing the Giants - A religious movie about a football coach who puts his life in god's hands and finds a stronger purpose and salvation. I assume this means he institutes the A-11 offense.

    Molly: An American-Girl Story - Okay, so this one I've already seen. Four stars.
3. I do not want to rate The Motorcycle Diaries - There, I said it. I didn't watch it. Stop asking. I'm sure it's great, but after two weeks I had to move on. You should consider this one a win, Netflix Recommendation Robot, as that was two weeks I wasn't hogging Tokyo Gore Police from everyone else in this town. That's why they all had to settle for Facing the Giants.

4. I do not want to see Alien3 - I'm not sure what it is about my having seen Alien, Aliens, and Alien: Resurrection that makes it think I want to see Alien3, but I assure you I do not want and have never wanted to see it. I've never even heard of Alien3.

5. On a related noted, I do want to see Aliens vs. Predator 2 - I don't know why my giving the first one only one star would make anyone think I wouldn't be in line to see this. I mean, it's Aliens. Fighting Predators. With tortured explanations as to why Aliens are fighting Predators. It's only the local favorite of a little place called my heart.

I quit.

2 comments:

Sasquatch said...

I must agree with Netflix Robot and recommend Alien³, which is spoken as Alien Cubed by all the savvy people. You get a bald Sigourney Weaver, Charles S. Dutton, and Pete Postlethwaite. Who doesn't like Pete Postlethwaite? And you get to meet the creator of Bishop. Spoiler: He has a hearing problem. If you are going to have Alien: Resurrection on your résumé then you might as well as put Alien³ on there. Otherwise it just looks embarrassing like you decided to watch Resurrection over Alien³. You wouldn't want to embarrass yourself now would you? Would you?

carlinthemarlin said...

Apparently, based on my interest in The Wire and The Sopranos, I really, really want to see Sex and the City: Season 1. And something called Generation Kill or something. Because apparently if you like one HBO show you must like all of them.