Fortnightly Football Recap.
Nebraska Cornhuskers (3-1)
The less said about the Ball State game the better. As that was the first game I attended this year, it was a particularly shocking experience to spend three hours baking in the sun and wondering if there was any way I could pickup Ball State's quarterback for my fantasy team two years before he's even in the NFL. I'm not sure if this guy is actually the greatest QB ever to play the game or if it's just that Nebraska's defense is really shaky, but that kid dominated. So much so that I can't even look up his name.
I do remember their wide receiver Dante Love's name, however. Although if Jerry Rice wanted to make it less obvious that he was using a pseudonym to play football at Ball State, he should have gone with a name like Bob Realman or something.
As for the Iowa State game, they won, though not without causing everyone from Chadron to Papillion to question whether or not they would have to drive to Ames just to pick a fight. And that's not an easily excitable demographic. Thankfully, the game wasn't on TV, so no one had to actually see our safeties looked confused. (This is one of the most intriguing subplots of the 2007 Husker season. Our safeties routinely point at each other, then at an opposing receiver, then at each other, then watch as the ball get snapped, and then keep pointing as the receiver runs downfield. If there was a stat kept for number of times our safeties pointed at an opposing receiver right before the snap, Larry Asante would be leading the country with 31. And I don't think it's his fault).
They play Missouri this weekend which will pretty much make or break the Big XII North for them, especially after Colorado and Kansas St. both won this past week. Get ready for a long conference season. I'm excited.
Miami Dolphins (0-4)
If Mandy Patinkin Was a Fantasy Football Team (3-1)
The one loss was the result of facing a team where everything just went right, but it happens. Still, in second place and with more points than any other team, I think this team is still the clear favorite (which can't be said for the real Mandy Patinkin. About anything).
Randy Moss is still playing as if every other team in the NFL wrote him off as a pot-smoking headcase who once ran over a traffic guard. Oddly, everyone was right in this equation. As not feeling good about Moss has been working so far, I plan on continuing to act like he's a disaster and I hate having him on my team.
You: Wow, you're really lucky to have Randy Moss.
Me: You know who that has never been said to? His coaches, girlfriends, and parents.
You: I wish I had Randy Moss.
Me: So does the state police.
You: I have cancer.
Me: Me too. Is yours also named Randy Moss?
You: It's going to kill me.
Me: That's what he does. Always.
There is no way this can ever backfire.
Speaking of backfiring, praising Eli Manning. Let's step it up, Eli. I wish there was some way I could get all of the asshole Giants fans at the Meadowlands to start chanting my fantasy backup QB's name rather than the Giants's actual backup. I bet everyone who has Eli feels this way.
The Lincoln Hawks (1-3)
So I have this gimmick with this team where every week for my "trash talk" comment (shown as a little speech bubble by my team name) I put in a different quote from Over the Top. This week's quote was, "I've got a family! And when this is over, I'm comin' to get him." I'm pretty sure no one finds this the least bit interesting or amusing yet I plan to continue doing it because I'm really starting to see the parallels between this team and Over the Top. It's not just that we're scrappy underdogs who through a series of bad decisions find ourselves looking up at where we want to be--nor is it about the way I put on a baseball cap and turn it backwards before adjusting my lineup--it's just that no one believes in us.
We're not a bad team. We're not a good team. If a couple of breaks had gone our way (or Steven Jackson's leg on the play where he hurt his groin), we could still be in this thing. I need this truck, etc.
I could keep going on here, but let me just finish by saying this will all end with me challenging everyone to an arm wrestling match at next year's draft. Frankly, I'm excited about it.
Miami Dolphins (0-4)
Oh, why not. Some thoughts on the Dolphins since we last spoke. I've decided to only be positive:
*Ronnie Brown is a very, very good football player. Not to be lost in all of the thorough awfulness of this team is the fact that Mr. Brown has been nothing short of incredible the last two weeks: 38 rushes, 246 yards, 6.5 ypc; 12 catches, 172 yards; 4 total touchdowns.
*Trent Green is an attractive man (making him one of approximately 32 million attractive men in this country who should not be a starting quarterback in the NFL).
*I really like the potential of Cam Cameron's offense. Even though the team shows all the defensive savy of a stranger eating in front of our dogs for the first time, I really like the way the offense is starting to move the ball. It's been a long time since Miami has had anything like a respectable offense.
*Too early for John "Adam Peterson" Beck to start playing.
*Ted Ginn made a tackle on special teams. So, for the record: Ted Ginn's catches this year: 1. Ted Ginn's special teams tackles: 1. Oh, and he was the 9th pick in the draft. (Ed note: for some reason I always want to write his name Tedd Ginn which isn't right. I just need to remember that he has as many 'd's in his name as he has catches).
*In all seriousness, I actually have hope for Ted Ginn. And Tedd Ginn. However he wants to spell it.
*I'm out of positive things to say, but let me say this: I really like watching the Miami Dolphins play. Sure, they're awful, but somehow it just makes me like them more. It's probably the same reason you like me, so you know what I'm talking about.
Fortnightly Football Recap.