1.21.2010

Exhibit 23.21

On Editing A Novel #18

ACQUIRING THE PUBLISHING RIGHTS TO TOAD THE WET SPROCKET SONGS. You can't. Forget about it. There's only one way you're going to get the emotional wallop of a Toad the Wet Sprocket song in your novel and that's to write one yourself.

Find the places in your novel where you used Toad the Wet Sprocket songs to explain all the main character wanted, how they were pondering the moment of their collapse, and how exasperated they were at the world's consistent imperfections. You can find these moments quickly by searching for the phrase "It was 1991-1994 and in the background Toad the Wet Sprocket sang on the radio..." There will probably be three or four places where you used this phrase. That's okay.

The first step is to name the band something that exactly suggests Toad the Wet Sprocket but isn't Toad the Wet Sprocket. Do that before reading on.

Next, you'll need to invent a singer named something generic like Todd Robinson and invent a Sprocket-esque background of his having formed a band with his high school friends. Find a singer with the name you made up then learn how to play the bass guitar for the tour. After the tour, lose a battle to your addictions but redeem yourself by releasing an acoustic solo album that maybe isn't great but really shows what you can do without smack and Todd Robinson.

Return to your novel and look at those places you highlighted to add song lyrics and think man, I don't want to live in the past. Start a memoir that's really going to tell the truth about things, especially Todd Robinson. You're done.

1 comment:

Pete said...
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