Exhibit 17.9

My NCAA Tournament Bracket


Yes, I have the tiniest bracket in history. It was part of my strategy. I figured small fonts...no one can read it...who's to say what is actually North Dakota State winning it all couldn't be North Carolina...

Basically it's the same strategy that allowed me to pass college algebra at Mid-Plains Community College.

(Brief aside: I'm sort of maybe not joking about this. When presented with a problem like this: i = √-1, if 3i (2 + 5i) = x + 6i, then x = ? My "work" would be me listing those letters and numbers in increasingly obfuscated patterns before finally ending up with something arbitrary like X=2√. This was the strategy that allowed me to score a 30% on a test where most of the credit was for showing your work.

By the way, I got a better grade in that class than my brother who I believe had already taken college algebra and was, you know, actually in college. In my brother's defense, I don't think there was a mathematical explanation for my C+ but neither of us were going to ask a lot of questions about it. In our mutual defense, we had to leave for that class at something like 6:30 in the morning).

Or you can click on the bracket to make it bigger and follow the misery. Turns out this also works for grading college algebra tests.

So I know nothing about college basketball that I didn't learn last year during Drake's improbable run. This means I only know not to mess with Western Kentucky and their Grimace-like mascot. Look, here he is eating a baby:



As you can see, I learned my lesson. So did that poor baby.

Despite being in last place, I'm--shockingly--doing fine. None of my losses extend past the first round and I'm one VCU jumper from having nailed the first day's two biggest upsets. Mostly I did this using a complicated algorithm involving effenciency ratings, strength of schedule, and assist averages. Here, let me show you:

i = √-1, if 3i (2 + 5i) = x + 6i, then x = ?
(2i+5i²)+12ix/3i(2+5) = 3i√
√+1 (10i+25i)+4i(2x+5xⁱ) = 9i
(15)7x+2i/√)+1 = 9/√
x = 2√