Exhibit 17.6

Plot Synopsis Of A Showtime Action Movie That Captivated Dave, Tyrone, And I As Remembered One Month Later

The movie opens with a team of poorly concealed soldiers rappelling down a hill they could probably walk down, but the rappelling lets us know they are highly trained in all of the military arts (except concealment). Our team forms a perimeter around a terrorist base camp oddly appropriately located in Southern California Afghanistan where a stripper/spy has been taken hostage. A fake closeup/computer simulation let's us know her captor is unimaginatively called The Bombmaker. I don't know how else to describe the computer thing. Just know there is a lot of beeping and, I think, some faux-night vision. Still, it's day. That's why you can see those 15 to 20 soldiers spending the better part of an hour disconnecting their rappelling cables over by the hill where the Afghan kids go sledding.

Anyway, our hero infiltrates the camp, frees the girl, and spends 20 seconds turning around while a suspiciously Anglo terrorist fumbles with his kalishnikov. I think I actually went to the bathroom and came back during our exceedingly un-agile hero's maneuver. Still, Worthington P. Terrorist III gets a knife to the chest in the end. Our hero grabs the girl and oddly leaves The Bombmaker alive. We never see him again. Na, I'm kidding. We totally see him again.

The hero and the girl begin to kiss in what I think is the back of the truck they're driving away in (I assume this truck is where they kept the rappelling gear which is really looking less necessary than ever). We learn our hero is Australian. This seems surprising but whatever. So they're making out when the hero opens a briefcase he stole and finds that it's full of money. Cut to a black screen with our Aussie hero's voiceover:

That's when I moved to Las Vegas and founded...

...The Crazy Girls!

I think Dave and I actually high-fived here. We were that excited. Turns out America's greatest spy is actually an Australian and has gotten out of the game in order to manage a strip club. Yep. Anyway, despite being out of the game he's training his strippers to break into houses and steal information. Also, his strip club has a high-tech lair where he can run operations. Otherwise he's completely out of the game. He says this a lot. If there's a game, he's not at it.

Until the CIA asks him to go to a poker game. He's in that one. It's hosted by the guy who finances all of the world's terrorists. I think we get more beeping and green screen, but this time it's okay because it's actually night. So our hero is winning (naturally) when a girl bursts out of the other room. Apparently our financier friend had another poker game earlier and ordered this girl killed because she won. Except they then waited until our financier had yet another poker game to actually do it. Then she escaped. Everyone with me? Good.

So, our financier is going to kill both of them because he hates losing. Or he loves murder. All we know is that he sucks at poker and uses it as an excuse to satisfy his bloodlust. Needless to say, his henchman botches the job. Our very, very slow Aussie hero and the girl go back to his place where she tries to seduce him but fails because he's looking at a picture of his dead family while sitting at a piano and playing wistfully. (!) The girl goes away sad. Then comes back thirty seconds later to try again. His family's angry, Australian ghosts placated by some John Tesh, this time it works.

This is about when Ty comes back. Dave and I excitedly recap the plot. Ty seems dubious. One of us expresses hope that the Aussie beefcake gets naked even though he probably shouldn't. The rest of us express desperate anti-hope. No one thinks about changing the channel.

Also, from this point forward imagine that whenever the scene changes there is an establishing shot of the Riviera hotel and casino. They apparently financed the movie and therefore get about 5 minutes of total airtime. These shots happen whether or not the following scene actually takes place in the casino. It's very odd.

I haven't said much about the actual Crazy Girls. Basically, they all have stripper names and a singular talent that may or may not prove useful. One steals cars. One can make computers do whatever she wants after some very stilted typing. One doesn't talk. I'm serious, one's power is that she doesn't talk. They decide to use their skills (or, in one case, handicap) to infiltrate the financier's hotel room where he is having...wait for it...another poker game. Oh! And he still has the same (white) goon. To recap, our Middle Eastern terrorist financier's goon is able to keep his job despite:

A) Somehow botching the murder of an unarmed stripper locked in a room
B) Then botching killing her again after her first escape
C) Not killing America's greatest Australian spy (this one is sort of understandable)
D) Failing to prevent the stripper from breaking into a poker game she wasn't invited to
E) Not killing her AGAIN when ordered
F) Not sharing an ethnicity or religion with his boss while doing the one job in the world (Terrorist Goon) where this would be listed as a requirement on the Monster.com posting

So our goon (who is presumably in the process of converting to Islam) is 0/5 in successfully executing direct orders. Now, I'm not saying you have to kill him (maybe he's Yusef's adopted brother) but at least hire a second goon. This one is clearly overmatched. If what the beeping green screen thing told us is correct, the financier should have the money.

So the Crazy Girls all retreat to their lair (to what end was this stuff going to be used if our hero didn't get back in the game? I really, really want to know). And...

I fall asleep. I wake up at one point and Dave and Tyrone are still watching as The Bombmaker is doing something. I'm guessing it involved bombs.

The end.


Dusty said...

What's funny is that the only thing I myself can remember from this point on is loving every fucking minute of it. What happened to The Bombmaker? Surely he died, and but how? I think there was a hostage somewhere.

There was also a girl-on-girl hump-dance routine, which had like "nudity" I guess, in danceclub light and shadow. Very arty. I got, maybe, a hard-on?

A. Peterson said...

Hey! I run a classy blog full of movie synopses and dog photos.

And yes, I should be clear: while there was a small amount of nudity, it was not nearly as much as the abundance of strippers, the title of the movie, the network showing the movie, and the quality of the acting would leave you to believe.

The late night cable action movie is really a thing unto itself.

Besides, D. is gay. Or was until Crazygirls turned him all straight. In any case, he was at the time, so that makes us watching it okay. I don't know how, it just does.

Let's move on.