On Editing a Novel #13
REORDERING CHAPTERS. It's a problem that your hero dies on the first page. Try to imagine this happening in any other work of literature and you'll see what we mean. What if Gatsby jumped off that dock in the first sentence instead of the last? What if Godot died on the first page? What if Hans Gruber shot McClane in the first paragraph instead of somewhere around an hour and 34 minutes into the book?
It's probably just been awhile since you've read these classics, so you've confused the endings for the beginnings, but we're here to get you back on the right track. No, you certainly don't need to rewrite anything. All your current chapters should work beautifully once ordered according to the by-laws.
The chapters in every published book follow these conditions:
Chapter One
1. Must be the second most important scene as long as that scene is not
-a death
-a marriage
>Note: marriage is allowable as long as it's not the main character's marriage or as long as said marriage of main character is to be an unhappy one as long as your book is about your main character's unhappy marriage
-->Sub note: If your book is about your main character's unhappy marriage, disregard #4, 2
-a sword fight
>Note: See Shakespeare/Cormac McCarthy exemption in the appendix
2. Must be shorter than Chapter Two but longer than Chapter Three
-unless there is a preface
-but not a prologue
-Clause 4b applies if there is an introduction
Chapter Two
1. This should be your third least important scene
2. There needs to be at least one conversation about two of the following six:
-The trees
-Who might be good/evil
-What happened to Larry
-The upcoming event
-Who hasn't died or gotten married but might get in a sword fight
>Note: See Shakespeare/Cormac McCarthy exemption in the appendix
-How much it hurts
Chapter Three
1. This chapter is a flashback to Chapter One
-Always
>Note: See the Berghoff Axiom for exceptions
Chapter Four-Chapter Fourteen
1. No one cares about these chapters
2. Order should begin with the nearest character's birthday
3. Order should then proceed using the Hennigan System
4. Ms. Morrison has requested never to have a Chapter 13
>Note: To make up for this, she gets two Chapter Nines
->Sub-note: Similar requests will be sent to the heralding magistrate
Chapter Fifteen
1. This should be the most important scene as long as that scene is not a
-kindergarten graduation
-conversation about the inconsistency in shoe sizes across brands
-a tetherball game
>Note: See Appendix D for list of exempt authors
-->Sub-note: Kickball may be substituted for tetherball in times of war
---->Sub-sub-note: But not civil wars
2. All endings must extend beyond the apocalypse
->Note: But not into a post-apocalyptic wasteland where bands of survivors fight over the scant resources
-->Sub-note: Ms. Morrison is allowed one dream-vision of such a future as long as the dream-vision takes place in the second Chapter Nine
3. If a comedy:
-One character gets a rose
4. If a tragedy:
-Two characters get a rose
5. If it ends well:
-No one will notice the fire
3.27.2009
Exhibit 17.15
Cross-reference: Editing& Magistrates& Writing
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