Exhibit 8.10

Royals Season Preview

So it's probably time to write about baseball. Opening Day is Monday--no matter what we are supposed to think about those real games in Japan--and as always the Kansas City Royals are primed to play 162 games of baseball with a moderately exciting level of skill.

There's a lot to like about the Royals right now: new manager, renovated stadium, an influx of very young talent, and the commissioner appears ready to void the suspension of their key offseason acquisition. So it's like they've won something already (if having three more weeks to spend with a guy who appears to be an insufferable prick is "winning").

Let's take a look at the roster as it will likely be to start the season, grading each player with one of the Compsons from The Sound and the Fury.

(ed note: I will be ignoring the 4-game suspension of another one of their key offseason acquisitions. Yes, that's right, they signed two guys who were known to be suspended to start the season. And I was for these moves):

Pitchers
Starters
Gil Meche - Caddy.
Brian Bannister - Quentin.
Zack Greinke - Way Quentin. Too much Quentin.
John Bale - Dilsey. Technically not a Compson.
Brett Tomko - Way Benjy. Too much Benjy.

Relievers
Joakim Soria - Caddy.
Ramon Ramirez - Too soon to tell in my complex analysis.
Yasuhiko Yabuta - Japanese.
Ron Mahay - Jason (the father).
Jimmy Gobble - A Quentin if Quentin only came in to face left-handed characters.
Leo Nunez - Miss Quentin.
Joel Peralta - Jason (either one).


Position Players
Catchers
John Buck - The mother.
Miguel Olivo - Jason if Jason told everyone he was going to start and then blamed his Spanish translator.

Infield
Ross Gload - The golf course.
Alberto Callaspo - Caddy.
Mark Grudzielanek - The corpse in As I Lay Dying.
Esteban German - Soon to be traded for (hopefully) a Caddy or a Quentin.
Tony Pena Jr. - Bit of a Benjy.
Alex Gordon - George Brett.

Outfield
Mark Teahen - Sometimes a Caddy, sometimes a Quentin.
David DeJesus - Another Dilsey.
Jose Guillen - Name might as well be Jason Guillen.
Joey Gathright - Can jump pitchers. Oh, and Miss Quentin.

DH
Billy Butler - Benjy but in the best possible sense. He's stupid good.

Well, that was pointless. My prediction: 78-84.