10.09.2007

Exhibit 3.20

Royals Season Review

Record: 69-93 (5th place in AL Central, 2nd worst record in AL)
Team ERA: 4.48 (7th in AL [and a huge improvement])
Runs Scored: 706 (2nd to last in AL)
HR: 102 (last in major leagues)

The Awards

Buddy Bell's Best Managerial Decision: Quitting. And I'm not at all trying to be a jerk about this. Buddy Bell announced his retirement just as the Royals were peaking (about the time I thought they were going to win 75 games) so that nobody noticed when the team completely fell apart in September. Admit it, you didn't notice. Well, they were horrible through the last two months of the season, but since everyone was already dreaming about a post-Buddy Bell world, it was impossible to really work up any anger about him not playing young prospects or pointlessly letting Gil Meche throw out his arm to try and win their 64th game of the year.

Somehow, Buddy managed to go from guy who was undoubtedly going to get fired to a guy who gets flattering 3,000 word articles about him in the K.C. Star. Well played, Buddy, well played.

(For the record, Buddy's career record as a manager: 519-724. Ouch).

Buddy Bell's Worst Managerial Decision: Pinch Hitting. Ever. Seriously, Buddy, just don't do it until you prove you can handle it. Let's play a quick game of You Be the Manager(TM). Ninth inning, down one. 7,8,9 hitters coming up. Let's say the opposing team's closer is a lefty. Your best righty bat on the bench is a catcher hitting .230 with 14 HR.

7-hitter: Lefty, promising rookie, .250 (.360 OBP), 15 HR, 15 SB
8-hitter: Righty, not promising rookie, .250 (.270 OBP), 1 HR, 2 SB
9-hitter: Righty, awful catcher, .149 (.200 OBP - no those aren't typos), 3 HR, 0 SB

Who should you pinch hit for? If you said #7, you're an idiot. This I am going to be a jerk about.

Pitcher of the Year: Brian Bannister. Who would've thought that a guy who got sent down to the minors would bounce back to be the Royals' best pitcher. Gil Meche was amazing--and if he ever got any run support (lowest in the majors)--he'd look even better, but Bannister was incredible considering how awful he looked to start the season. Plus, he comes with a built in adjective: crafty. The crafty Brian Bannister was great this year.

God willing, he'll add 'always' next year and in two years 'yeoman-like.' Oh, and then when he starts Game 2 of the World Series in 2011, he can add 'artisanal.' That's right, Brian Bannister's development path is really the construction of a sentence. That sentence: The always crafty Brian Bannister had another yeoman-like performance in a truely artisanal Game 2 performance.Please read it again, this time with feeling.

(How strange is that he did better after getting sent down and called back up? If my company sent me to Omaha to work with a bunch of tobacco chewers and guys from Venezuela to work in front of no one, I'd be excited. That would really expand my horizons more than sitting next to Mike Sweeney and listening to him talk to Mark Grudzlianek about Christian day cares for 3 hours at a time).

Hitter of the Year: Um, I guess it's 37-year-old Mark Grudzielanek with a special mention going to Billy Butler and Alex Gordon. As I don't want to spell Grudz's name or dissect the Royals anemic offense, let me end by saying that I could not be more excited about the Alex Gordon-era. And the Billy Butler-era. These two need a nickname. If only The Bash Brothers hadn't been so thoroughly tarnished. Seriously, I'd rather name them The Manson Family than The Bash Brothers at this point.

Disappointment of the Year: Mark Teahen. Last year Mark Teahen got sent to the minors, came back up, and proceeded to hit like mad for the rest of the season. It seemed like a gimme that he would hit 25+ HR with good average for the Royals this season. Now, we can blame his disappointing season on the fact that he had off-season shoulder as long as no one mentions:

A) The contradiction that his best asset this season was that same shoulder gunning down runners with 17 OF assists.

B) That what happened to Teahen last year is exactly what happened with Brian Bannister this year and that means Bannister is sure to disappoint next year.

You hear that? No one mention either of those inconvenient facts.

Schizophrenic Performance of the Year: Joey Gathright who looked like a poor-man's Ichiro for 6 weeks before--and I'm not making this up--ceasing to hit once he started wearing glasses. Can this happen? What does this say about Ricky Vaughn in Major League. Now I feel like that whole movie is a lie.

Most Bewildering and Intriguing Stadium Enhancement: The 106ft by 45ft video board that will now fill the crown at Kauffman Stadium. This is going to be the largest video screen in the world, and it's a full 1,300 sq. feet bigger than the current record holder at the U. of Texas football stadium. That's right, the Royals decided to make something bigger than Texas. Did they even imagine the implications of this? Don't be surprised if Missouri gets taken over and Royals GM Dayton Moore gets executed live on Texas Public Television. Next year we might be watching the New Texas Oilmen playing at Don't Mess With Us Stadium with no video screen at all.

(Seriously though, why? Nebraska's Memorial Stadium held this record before Texas, and while it's cool and all, there's a big difference between an 80k-capacity football stadium and a 35k-capacity baseball park. On the plus side, as the largest screen, this is presumably where God will choose to speak when the time is right. Unless he's a White Sox fan. And, based on this year, he's not).

That said, Kauffman Stadium is incredible. If you life within 5 hours of it, like attending baseball games, and have always hoped to see a 100-foot-tall Derek Jeter scratching himself, you should be there at the Royals' home opener in 2008.



Least Likely to be Back Next Year: Jason LaRue who ended the season hitting .148 in 169 at bats. In other words, Jason LaRue got 25 hits the entire season despite playing in more than 1/3 of the team's games. This is actually much harder than being average.

Name of the Year: For the fourth year in a row, David DeJesus. Now scram.

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