Exhibit 2.1

I swear to god my next post is going to be on Günter Grass, but I just have to do this:

My Fantasy Football Team (by which I mean the first of two and possibly three fantasy football teams).

I'm trying to decide how embarrassing it is to have a fantasy football team and for the moment I've decide upon 'Not Very.' I'm willing to reconsider. So I'll write about it as no one reads this blog except for people who already know I play fantasy football. These are people who I often find myself yelling at while drinking about the difference between a 3-4 and a 4-3. People who have heard me say things like, "I just don't know if it's worth it to keep Devery Henderson on my team." People who often stare at me with blank eyes.

The thing with fantasy football--and it is the only "fantasy" sport I play for this reasons--is that I get obsessed with it. Having an office job where I have hours a day to be on the Internet has only made it worse. I'm to the point where I look up where everyone on my team has gone to college. I try to find scouting reports from their draft year. I make notes on trades I intend to propose in week 7 a month before the season even starts. It's no good.

Here's my team from this past Sunday. They're called The Lincoln Hawks which may just be my favorite fantasy football team name of all time. If you don't know why, click here. It works on so many levels my head might explode. Here's the team:

QB - Philip Rivers. Probably took him a round too early, but I was panicking due to what had been a recent run on QBs and the fact that I didn't have another pick coming up for a while (I drafted second and the draft snakes so my picks went 2, 23, 26, 47, 50...) Faced with the prospect of having to take someone like J.P. Losman, I grabbed Rivers who I think is at worst solid and at best poised for a breakout year.

RB - Steven Jackson. My first pick who will continue to drive the dynamic St. Louis offense.

RB - Marshawn Lynch. He's a rookie playing behind a line that Buffalo spent a lot of money upgrading in the offseason. I got him after a lot of other guys with no upside were taken and felt lucky.

WR - Steve Smith. Took him with my first second round pick and didn't feel good about it. Not that he won't be great--he will be--but fantasy football is all about the RBs and all of the good ones were gone. Then I took:

WR - Chad Johnson. Again, he'll be great. I have who I consider to be the top two WRs in football, but it came at the expense of getting a running back or quarterback. That said, as my other options at the time were to reach for a Tom Brady or take a guy I hate like Edgerrin James, I feel okay about it.

TE - Randy McMichael. I hate this pick. Don't ask.

RB/WR - Jamal Lewis. This is a flex spot where I can play either a wide receiver or a running back. If your league has a flex spot like this and you are playing a WR in it, your team probably isn't very good. I don't like Jamal Lewis much this year, but it's hard to see how he could be worse than last year when he was serviceable. He's all depth and no upside. Plus, it's always nice to have a guy who's spent time in a federal prison for arranging a coke deal.

WR/TE - Isaac Bruce. So too, if your league has a flex spot like this and you have a TE here, you're team is probably awful. It just is. Speaking of awful, Isaac Bruce! He's actually okay, but I'd much rather have him as a backup and will probably make a trade to make that happen.

Bench - DeShaun Foster, Michael Turner, Brandon Jackson, and Chris Henry (the RB, not the alcoholic, suspended Bengal). All RBs, all upside. Henry I plan on cutting soon to pick up my defense, and Turner I hope to trade to the team with LaDanian Tomlinson (Turner is his backup). I really like Foster and Jackson as guys who other teams were over looking for some reason.

A common thing to do in this league is to not draft a kicker or defense and then pick one up after dropping some guys before Week 1 (which is what I did), hence guys like Henry and Turner who don't really have a place on the team but who I have on the off chance someone tears a knee ligament or pulls a Brian Griese and hurts himself while drunk.

I'm crossing my fingers.

Overall, I'd give the team a B-. I think it was maybe my worst draft, but The Lincoln Hawks will be okay. The Lincoln Hawks will always be okay. Plus:

UPDATE: Because you care so much, I'll let you know I just completed a trade with my brother. I sent Chad Johnson, Jamal Lewis, and Brandon Jackson for Willie Parker, Santana Moss, and Tatum Bell. Making my roster:

QB - Philip Rivers

RB - Steven Jackson

RB - Willie Parker

WR - Steve Smith

WR - Santana Moss

TE - Randy McMichael

RB/WR - Marshawn Lynch

WR/TE - Isaac Bruce

BN - DeShaun Foster, Tatum Bell, and Michael Turner.

That's a very solid team all of a sudden. I like it. I hated giving up a guy who's been in a federal prison like Jamal Lewis, but there's always Mike Vick...